The News has been full of HealthCare horrors.
The Media is focused on disrespect or perceived disrespect to Seniors.
First up was the glaring attention on a longtime married couple in the interior of the Province who were separated when the wife required Extended Care and the husband was intermediate. The wife was shipped off to a new facility in a new city an hour or so away and died within a short time. Away from her husband.
Nanaimo Regional Hospital was next up and has stayed up at bat for over a month as families come forward with more and more stories about inattention in the ER ward. It is not a new thing nor is it something easily band-aided but with the Media staring and taking notes it is an easy target. This week it was an elderly man dying on a gerney in the hallway with not even a blanket and now, today, an elderly Volunteer at the Hospital gift shop beaten to death by a raging patient. It all comes down to the same thing: not enough of any type of staff and droves of critics.
We pride ourselves on being a civil and gunfree society but noone told the bad guys. We need better security in Hospitals. We need more positions like the old-time Clerks who can hand out things like blankets and walk around giving indications of how things are going. Obviously critical care has to come first but equally obviously something is wrong when an elderly man who was IN CARE is sent to hospital to die in a hall. I think the family is asking the wrong questions. Why could he not die in the dignity of his own room in the place he resided?
I can tell you why but you won't like it. I don't like it either.
There are private care Facilities with beautiful rooms and lovely names where the client pays a big rent and must take dinner daily in the gracious and lovely dining room with others. The cost is generally $1000 a month for this dinner and housekeeping. Security locks at the front and back doors off the spacious lobbies are welcoming features for families who fly in to see all is well. There is a reception area there and an office manned by a $12 dollar an hour person. It's all very nice. If you are renting it is around $1700 and up and if you are buying it is close to $200,000 IF you can find one. Most places prefer renters. So your rent and your $1000 a month and you are in business.
If you require assistance you press their lifeline which is in each room. Do they come and help you? No. They come and wait with you for the ambulance they have called.
Some of these places take extended care as well and charge for every single event they are involved with. If a Care-aid hands you your pills it costs you $15 each time. If a Nurse beit LPN or RN hands you those same pills it is $25. A charge for walking you down the hall, a charge for everything other than a cheery hello. But if you require critical care well 9-1-1 and off you go to the hallways of the hospital.
I have no solution to offer. Perhaps some of those massive dollars spent in Human Resources and studies as to where to cut staffing could actually be used to staff. I know it is tough to be a CEO. Hundreds of thousands of dollars a year worth of tough.
Will anyone ever get in public office who is able to turn things around without that cash giveaway for inquiries that everyone already knows the answer to?
---------- +
28.4.06
25.4.06
Honourable Mention
Well shiver me timbers!
A message in a bottle washed ashore.
-------
Okay so it was not a desert island escapade but we takes what we can get in the excitement arena. A mystery letter arrived for me. It was all very curious.
Our Lady of the incredibly-difficult-to-cope-with-right-to-the-very-end passed on to the next world where I hope her spirit has found peace at long last. As HealthCare professionals we got off easily. The family bore the brunt of her slow and painful decline. I always felt they deserved alot of credit for honouring her wishes to stay at home when so easily they could have done otherwise with the understanding and blessing of virtually everyone who ever met her.
The message was from the family thanking me for "kind and compassionate care."
It sounds silly I am sure but this really means alot to me.
A few words on a page.
I am a strange woman I know.
A message in a bottle washed ashore.
-------
Okay so it was not a desert island escapade but we takes what we can get in the excitement arena. A mystery letter arrived for me. It was all very curious.
Our Lady of the incredibly-difficult-to-cope-with-right-to-the-very-end passed on to the next world where I hope her spirit has found peace at long last. As HealthCare professionals we got off easily. The family bore the brunt of her slow and painful decline. I always felt they deserved alot of credit for honouring her wishes to stay at home when so easily they could have done otherwise with the understanding and blessing of virtually everyone who ever met her.
The message was from the family thanking me for "kind and compassionate care."
It sounds silly I am sure but this really means alot to me.
A few words on a page.
I am a strange woman I know.
20.4.06
Sslithers and Woozles
Laying in bed before work I was daydreaming about this and that happily intersperced with the morning CBC when suddenly I realised it was the 7am news I was listening to.
---egad!---
Heighing ho I offed to work went singing, yes! Yes I did!
Twas a simple day by comparison. Alot of easy things and one or two new faces.
One of the new faces was in a new building right on the tony avenue we all aspire to.
Well, some of us anyway. I was admittedly distracted by the prospect of finally seeing the inside of the place but not so much as to forget why I was there.
It was not the voice of a client that answered the intercom.
"I suppose well yes okay sure yes I guess you can ok let me see well yes you can come up."
Not the standard greeting.
I entered to a surplus of family just leaving.
Another kerfuffle! Hurrah hurrah!
The family did not realise I had no prior relationship with the client and were so busy kerfuffling that it took me 5 minutes just to cross the apartment.
The client was sitting quietly sipping tea in a dressing gown.
"Just went down all of a sudden. And slithered across the floor to the phone. I knew if I could just get myself slithered over it would be all right."
The point of graceful collapse was a good 20 feet from the phone indicated.
"Why didn't you use your lifeline?"
"Oh well you know it is such a fuss and all the neighbours would see and I didn't want to disturb anyone."
If I had a nickle for every time I heard that reasoning....
God forbid we have a fuss. Although to my eyes it did seem we were smackdab in the middle of one right then. Families are notorious for handling such events badly.
Most of the family left. The one who stayed talked my head off with every conceivable "What if...." as well as a goodly portion of self-blame.
When I arrived my client had a basin in case there was emesis.
There was nothing to be gained in emphasizing the negative as the client was going off to the Doctor for a post-surgerical check-up. I knew that the family would make sure that Doctor heard all about it.
The only thing that I found troubling was the amount of bruising on my client.
I was not sure how much of it was normal to the operation which was about 10 days ago or so. It was alot of swelling and bruising. Part of me was thinking there was a good possibility of a low-grade infection and the other part was reminding me my opinion although endlessly fascinating to myself is totally irrelevant.
The skills of distraction I possess in spades allowed me to get that client ready to go and forgetting about what was wrong. There was alot right. We talked about that.
I find it immensely satisfying to do a great job in tough circumstances.
I told them as I left it is a true art to be able to woozle so gracefully.
Bless this little client who is brave and strong and true.
My chips bet hospitalisation or at least convalescant care for a few days.
----------------------*
---egad!---
Heighing ho I offed to work went singing, yes! Yes I did!
Twas a simple day by comparison. Alot of easy things and one or two new faces.
One of the new faces was in a new building right on the tony avenue we all aspire to.
Well, some of us anyway. I was admittedly distracted by the prospect of finally seeing the inside of the place but not so much as to forget why I was there.
It was not the voice of a client that answered the intercom.
"I suppose well yes okay sure yes I guess you can ok let me see well yes you can come up."
Not the standard greeting.
I entered to a surplus of family just leaving.
Another kerfuffle! Hurrah hurrah!
The family did not realise I had no prior relationship with the client and were so busy kerfuffling that it took me 5 minutes just to cross the apartment.
The client was sitting quietly sipping tea in a dressing gown.
"Just went down all of a sudden. And slithered across the floor to the phone. I knew if I could just get myself slithered over it would be all right."
The point of graceful collapse was a good 20 feet from the phone indicated.
"Why didn't you use your lifeline?"
"Oh well you know it is such a fuss and all the neighbours would see and I didn't want to disturb anyone."
If I had a nickle for every time I heard that reasoning....
God forbid we have a fuss. Although to my eyes it did seem we were smackdab in the middle of one right then. Families are notorious for handling such events badly.
Most of the family left. The one who stayed talked my head off with every conceivable "What if...." as well as a goodly portion of self-blame.
When I arrived my client had a basin in case there was emesis.
There was nothing to be gained in emphasizing the negative as the client was going off to the Doctor for a post-surgerical check-up. I knew that the family would make sure that Doctor heard all about it.
The only thing that I found troubling was the amount of bruising on my client.
I was not sure how much of it was normal to the operation which was about 10 days ago or so. It was alot of swelling and bruising. Part of me was thinking there was a good possibility of a low-grade infection and the other part was reminding me my opinion although endlessly fascinating to myself is totally irrelevant.
The skills of distraction I possess in spades allowed me to get that client ready to go and forgetting about what was wrong. There was alot right. We talked about that.
I find it immensely satisfying to do a great job in tough circumstances.
I told them as I left it is a true art to be able to woozle so gracefully.
Bless this little client who is brave and strong and true.
My chips bet hospitalisation or at least convalescant care for a few days.
----------------------*
19.4.06
Sweet Souvenir
This was written in a little postcard with a picture of the Madonna with Child given to me by the family of someone I cared for.
I found it very sweet a souvenir.
-------------
When I'm gone, give what's left of me away to children and to old folks that wait to die. And if you need to cry, cry for your brother and sister walking the street beside you. And when you need me put your arms around someone and give them what you need to give to me.
I want to leave you something, something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known and loved. And if you cannot give me away, at least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind. You can love me most by lettings hands touch hands, by letting bodies touch bodies, and by letting go of children that need to be freed.
Love doesn't die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love, give me away.
---------------------------------- *
I found it very sweet a souvenir.
-------------
When I'm gone, give what's left of me away to children and to old folks that wait to die. And if you need to cry, cry for your brother and sister walking the street beside you. And when you need me put your arms around someone and give them what you need to give to me.
I want to leave you something, something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known and loved. And if you cannot give me away, at least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind. You can love me most by lettings hands touch hands, by letting bodies touch bodies, and by letting go of children that need to be freed.
Love doesn't die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love, give me away.
---------------------------------- *
18.4.06
Early Morning at the Beach
The tide was coming in as I arrived at the beachfront.
The waters were insistently lapping ever closer.
On the waters, a flock of seagulls were sitting looking towards the sands.
I thought it was a trick of my imagination until I noticed the crows.
Along the cement stroll, a trio of crows were bobbing their heads up and down and making a racket. On the beach a few feet away another few crows were squawking loudly too. Then a hawk swooped overhead shrieking. This was alot of action for the beach at this time of day. It was around 06:30am. I sat and watched the birds not understanding until ....
The tide was almost completely in. There was perhaps six feet of beach left. I suddenly noticed, behind some driftwood just barely obscuring my vision from my seat, a flicker of movement. Without getting out of my car I moved myself to the middle of the seat and sat as high as I could get. There was an eagle sitting quietly at the shoreline. This then was the drawing card for the other birds.
The circling hawk had scared away the crows but the seagulls had moved closer and some had taken to the air pursuing the hawk in a straggly group. The others seemed to be readying an assault on the eagle. The big bird did not flinch at all even though the tide was about to hit him.
Suddenly there was a huge kerfuffle followed by a scattering of every left-over bird.
Reinforcements to the eagle camp arrived. A smaller bird swooped over the area repeatedly and cleared the way for a huge mature eagle with a spectacular wingspan.
He flew down low and scooped up something from beside the shoreline one.
As soon as he grapped it the other bird flew up and away.
Whatever it was the other bird was guarding was the size of a large roast and white.
I know because the big bird flew right past me and over the highway at a dangerously low altitude. He barely cleared the house a block down.
It was magnificent how bravely the smaller bird had stood guard.
There must have been 60+ birds ready to try to dislodge him.
He did not move not even when the tide had almost taken his prize.
Where did the other birds come from?
How did they know to come?
How long was the bird waiting?
It was a fabulous display of nature.
---------------------- @
The waters were insistently lapping ever closer.
On the waters, a flock of seagulls were sitting looking towards the sands.
I thought it was a trick of my imagination until I noticed the crows.
Along the cement stroll, a trio of crows were bobbing their heads up and down and making a racket. On the beach a few feet away another few crows were squawking loudly too. Then a hawk swooped overhead shrieking. This was alot of action for the beach at this time of day. It was around 06:30am. I sat and watched the birds not understanding until ....
The tide was almost completely in. There was perhaps six feet of beach left. I suddenly noticed, behind some driftwood just barely obscuring my vision from my seat, a flicker of movement. Without getting out of my car I moved myself to the middle of the seat and sat as high as I could get. There was an eagle sitting quietly at the shoreline. This then was the drawing card for the other birds.
The circling hawk had scared away the crows but the seagulls had moved closer and some had taken to the air pursuing the hawk in a straggly group. The others seemed to be readying an assault on the eagle. The big bird did not flinch at all even though the tide was about to hit him.
Suddenly there was a huge kerfuffle followed by a scattering of every left-over bird.
Reinforcements to the eagle camp arrived. A smaller bird swooped over the area repeatedly and cleared the way for a huge mature eagle with a spectacular wingspan.
He flew down low and scooped up something from beside the shoreline one.
As soon as he grapped it the other bird flew up and away.
Whatever it was the other bird was guarding was the size of a large roast and white.
I know because the big bird flew right past me and over the highway at a dangerously low altitude. He barely cleared the house a block down.
It was magnificent how bravely the smaller bird had stood guard.
There must have been 60+ birds ready to try to dislodge him.
He did not move not even when the tide had almost taken his prize.
Where did the other birds come from?
How did they know to come?
How long was the bird waiting?
It was a fabulous display of nature.
---------------------- @
17.4.06
Having it all.
I read the name on my list with some surprise. This person is somewhat well-known.
I cannot recall reading that they were ill but of course they are.
Going to the home I park on the street below and walk up the hill onto the property.
There are alot of gorgeous people buzzing about. Family and friends.
In I go to see a younger woman sitting smoking.
I am somewhat surprised as oxygen is in use in the home.
Noone seems to be attending to anything other than themselves.
I walk my mind through the notes and in the background this blonde is telling me some long story about a meal that did not go well. When I do not respond in the way she is hoping for she smacks my arm for emphasis. I just look at her.
What is she really thinking I wonder.
I go looking for my client who is in bed behind double doors.
Everywhere you turn there is opulance.
Even the bed is garbed in expensive linens.
Even now the client will not use the *good towels*.
I suppose they are being saved for something. Someone. Not her, not today.
As soon as my client's eyes opened the gasping began.
It is a dread of running out of air that seizes the imagination.
Puffers of all colours sit on the bedtray.
My client has everything money can buy. And more.
Currently, it means nothing.
I leave and the blonde calls out: "That's it?"
Goodbye I say.
The client is more relaxed now but the air holds bitterness.
-------------------- *
I cannot recall reading that they were ill but of course they are.
Going to the home I park on the street below and walk up the hill onto the property.
There are alot of gorgeous people buzzing about. Family and friends.
In I go to see a younger woman sitting smoking.
I am somewhat surprised as oxygen is in use in the home.
Noone seems to be attending to anything other than themselves.
I walk my mind through the notes and in the background this blonde is telling me some long story about a meal that did not go well. When I do not respond in the way she is hoping for she smacks my arm for emphasis. I just look at her.
What is she really thinking I wonder.
I go looking for my client who is in bed behind double doors.
Everywhere you turn there is opulance.
Even the bed is garbed in expensive linens.
Even now the client will not use the *good towels*.
I suppose they are being saved for something. Someone. Not her, not today.
As soon as my client's eyes opened the gasping began.
It is a dread of running out of air that seizes the imagination.
Puffers of all colours sit on the bedtray.
My client has everything money can buy. And more.
Currently, it means nothing.
I leave and the blonde calls out: "That's it?"
Goodbye I say.
The client is more relaxed now but the air holds bitterness.
-------------------- *
11.4.06
---OOOPS!!
Coming home after a non-stop day with no breaks at all I think to myself:
"I will just take the dog for a walk and then fall into a bath and read."
Two messages from my parent.
"It is just time to go. Where are you? I am waiting. If we leave right now we can make it to my appointment..."
message 2:
"Ok I am at my appointment. Call me anytime."
oops
He drove himself. On the Highway.
Oops.
------------------------------- *
"I will just take the dog for a walk and then fall into a bath and read."
Two messages from my parent.
"It is just time to go. Where are you? I am waiting. If we leave right now we can make it to my appointment..."
message 2:
"Ok I am at my appointment. Call me anytime."
oops
He drove himself. On the Highway.
Oops.
------------------------------- *
10.4.06
"The Trouble with Women..."
Listening to an Audiobook file I downloaded on LimeWire: John Cleese:
"How to Irritate People"
"The trouble with women is that they always take things personally....
to which 4 women replied:
"Well *I* don't " "
--------------hee hee hee
"How to Irritate People"
"The trouble with women is that they always take things personally....
to which 4 women replied:
"Well *I* don't " "
--------------hee hee hee
8.4.06
feeling lazy
Yes yes I know.
No new posts.
I can't be bothered to tell you the truth.
;)
Lots of interesting things have happened and many a fine tale been told.
I will get my butt in gear soon.
---------- *
No new posts.
I can't be bothered to tell you the truth.
;)
Lots of interesting things have happened and many a fine tale been told.
I will get my butt in gear soon.
---------- *
7.4.06
My body is a temple
We sat sipping tea. I am coming to enjoy a good cuppa more than coffee.
Does this mean I am officially old now?
Possibly.
I know I am dressing in layers all the time now --and-- wearing socks to bed.
My right side hurts like a bugger all day every day.
It scares me to think what I will be like when I am 50-60-70
This is the ghost of long-ago accidents come back to haunt me.
I do not think the ghost ever extemporated completely.
I have a topper on my mattress that is made of down and so soft, so very soft I feel like I am floating. I have to sleep on my left side or on my back. I can no longer
relax enough to sleep on my right. I cannot even lie on it.
All day at work I can blank out my leg. Advil 600 helps.
I look in the mirror and there she is.
That woman has jumped in front again.
She is friendly looking and pleasant but wow--- is that really me?
I guess so.
The weather announces itself in my bones.
I knew it was raining before my eyes were open.
The years are so sneaky.
One minute you are counting the days and the next, months slide by in stealth mode.
Oh it is an amazing journey this life is.
What shrine is my body?
A temple to.... ?
(boggle)
Does this mean I am officially old now?
Possibly.
I know I am dressing in layers all the time now --and-- wearing socks to bed.
My right side hurts like a bugger all day every day.
It scares me to think what I will be like when I am 50-60-70
This is the ghost of long-ago accidents come back to haunt me.
I do not think the ghost ever extemporated completely.
I have a topper on my mattress that is made of down and so soft, so very soft I feel like I am floating. I have to sleep on my left side or on my back. I can no longer
relax enough to sleep on my right. I cannot even lie on it.
All day at work I can blank out my leg. Advil 600 helps.
I look in the mirror and there she is.
That woman has jumped in front again.
She is friendly looking and pleasant but wow--- is that really me?
I guess so.
The weather announces itself in my bones.
I knew it was raining before my eyes were open.
The years are so sneaky.
One minute you are counting the days and the next, months slide by in stealth mode.
Oh it is an amazing journey this life is.
What shrine is my body?
A temple to.... ?
(boggle)
1.4.06
Contractually speaking
from both the Nurses and the Government came to agreement last night. The proposed settlement is not really about ca$h or bonu$e$, but about respect and workplace conditions. Remember it is not long ago that when the Nurse's Union was in a striking position they simply refused to work overtime and were promptly blamed for everything that went wrong because of the nursing shortage. I say look in the mirror employers!
Overworked and understaffed is a familiar refrain but we have a repeat chorus: "Not enough new hires, and we can't keep the staff we have. We have record numbers of people on sicktime or long-term disability stress leave and still people think nurses are greedy. Noone values healthcare until they are sick. Strange values.
Thankfully the representatives
I am pleased that most everyone was able to negotiate a settlement.
I have not heard about the Social Workers. We shall see.
----------- *
Overworked and understaffed is a familiar refrain but we have a repeat chorus: "Not enough new hires, and we can't keep the staff we have. We have record numbers of people on sicktime or long-term disability stress leave and still people think nurses are greedy. Noone values healthcare until they are sick. Strange values.
Thankfully the representatives
I am pleased that most everyone was able to negotiate a settlement.
I have not heard about the Social Workers. We shall see.
----------- *
29.3.06
Sadie's Secret to a Healthy Happy Marriage
They are waiting for me as I arrive.
He to leave and get some time on his own, she to have some quality time with me.
She is very lovely and quite a bit younger seeming than her actual years.
She has recovered very nicely from a few strokes and although she has mobility issues, she does very well. I see her taking a few risks as she transfers from walking to sitting and from standing to stepping but overall she does well.
Names are a problem and events have slipped away but she has retained the serene knowledge that her husband loves her. She can't remember if she is 68 and has been married 90 years or if she is 20 and married 40 years.
Naturally I understand this perfectly.
She was BORN in 1920. She was married in 1940. She has been married 68 years and her golden wedding anniversary celebration was in 1990.
I ask her what the secret to a long happy marriage is.
She looks me square in the eye:
"Lots of sex of course. We always had alot of very good sex."
Right on.
You go sexy Sadie!
---------------------------------- (*
He to leave and get some time on his own, she to have some quality time with me.
She is very lovely and quite a bit younger seeming than her actual years.
She has recovered very nicely from a few strokes and although she has mobility issues, she does very well. I see her taking a few risks as she transfers from walking to sitting and from standing to stepping but overall she does well.
Names are a problem and events have slipped away but she has retained the serene knowledge that her husband loves her. She can't remember if she is 68 and has been married 90 years or if she is 20 and married 40 years.
Naturally I understand this perfectly.
She was BORN in 1920. She was married in 1940. She has been married 68 years and her golden wedding anniversary celebration was in 1990.
I ask her what the secret to a long happy marriage is.
She looks me square in the eye:
"Lots of sex of course. We always had alot of very good sex."
Right on.
You go sexy Sadie!
---------------------------------- (*
28.3.06
No Fellatio here, thank you very much!
Once again the dreaded dentalwork!
Oh my aching mouth.
It is not the fault of the professionals working on my teeth that I have an exceptionally small mouth. Not that anyone would ever believe it as I am so vocal and opinionated, but my mouth is smaller than most childrens. I know this because the jaw separator for children is the only one I can tolerate in my mouth without cramping occurring.
I end the visit to the Dentist with a wince and an Advil.
There is no joy in Mudville tonight.
------------- *
The T-Bone Stake
Another day in Paradise
The ocean is turquoise and grey today. Further out to sea whitecaps ride the waves as the wind whips them along. I see the gulls hiding here and there, and even the eagles are not visible. Later I spot a pair in one of the trees along the waterside, evident by the top branches being pecked clean of anything but the raw branches.
It is decidedly cooler today. The promised rain of yesterday comes and goes in little showers. People are snoozly today; I am snoozly today but at least I do not walk into anything. Yesterday I walked up the ramp to my very regular client's home and hit my head on a hummingbird feeder that was not there the day before. I did not even see it. Annoying, but not as annoying as hitting my head on it on the way out. Again.
I have alot of driving to do today. Almost 110 kilometers by the time I get back home. At the last intersection I wait for no apparant reason when the light turns green for me and moments later a minivan coming down the main road runs the light at 60 kph.
Once again my guardian angels silent whispers have saved me.
I would have been t-boned on the driver's side.
---- THAT would have been me but on the driver's side!
Thank you God.
The ocean is turquoise and grey today. Further out to sea whitecaps ride the waves as the wind whips them along. I see the gulls hiding here and there, and even the eagles are not visible. Later I spot a pair in one of the trees along the waterside, evident by the top branches being pecked clean of anything but the raw branches.
It is decidedly cooler today. The promised rain of yesterday comes and goes in little showers. People are snoozly today; I am snoozly today but at least I do not walk into anything. Yesterday I walked up the ramp to my very regular client's home and hit my head on a hummingbird feeder that was not there the day before. I did not even see it. Annoying, but not as annoying as hitting my head on it on the way out. Again.
I have alot of driving to do today. Almost 110 kilometers by the time I get back home. At the last intersection I wait for no apparant reason when the light turns green for me and moments later a minivan coming down the main road runs the light at 60 kph.
Once again my guardian angels silent whispers have saved me.
I would have been t-boned on the driver's side.
---- THAT would have been me but on the driver's side!Thank you God.
27.3.06
Finding the car, driving without brakes
More dreams. Vivid and banal. I dream the same scenario frequently.
It is a dream of me walking to find my car. My car, of course is gone or moved or perhaps I just cannot remember where I left it. In this dream I am generally remembering that my car is a British Sports car and sometimes I even laugh to myself at the thought I would ever drive anything else. In my dream this life here is the dream one. Distinctly odd but always so in this dream.
----segue to driving----- I put my foot on the brake pedal, remembering too late that they are not working. I try to modify my driving habits to accomodate this.
---segue to trying to take the bus home--- Again, I do not find my house. Or I find my house and it is completely different than I expect it to be but I do not want to show surprise to whoever is with me as obviously this IS my house. The home I go into is either an apartment on the corner of a building and completely unsuitable for me due to street traffic and undesirables, or it is large and sprawling and I wander through it in wonder, remembering that my husband and kid(s) are around somewhere.
---segue to fruitlessly trying to get home---
I am late or the bus is late or I am lost. I hate this dream.
There is a variation on this dream where I am on the highway to somewhere and I wind up in a *town* not of my choosing. In this version I am stranded unhappily.
Sometimes there is even a holocaust theme to it and I cannot return to my true home.
Now where is Jung on this one?
---
This may not be the life I expected but I do embrace it fully and love my life. Perhaps just not in my sleep.
------*
It is a dream of me walking to find my car. My car, of course is gone or moved or perhaps I just cannot remember where I left it. In this dream I am generally remembering that my car is a British Sports car and sometimes I even laugh to myself at the thought I would ever drive anything else. In my dream this life here is the dream one. Distinctly odd but always so in this dream.
----segue to driving----- I put my foot on the brake pedal, remembering too late that they are not working. I try to modify my driving habits to accomodate this.
---segue to trying to take the bus home--- Again, I do not find my house. Or I find my house and it is completely different than I expect it to be but I do not want to show surprise to whoever is with me as obviously this IS my house. The home I go into is either an apartment on the corner of a building and completely unsuitable for me due to street traffic and undesirables, or it is large and sprawling and I wander through it in wonder, remembering that my husband and kid(s) are around somewhere.
---segue to fruitlessly trying to get home---
I am late or the bus is late or I am lost. I hate this dream.
There is a variation on this dream where I am on the highway to somewhere and I wind up in a *town* not of my choosing. In this version I am stranded unhappily.
Sometimes there is even a holocaust theme to it and I cannot return to my true home.
Now where is Jung on this one?
---
This may not be the life I expected but I do embrace it fully and love my life. Perhaps just not in my sleep.
------*
24.3.06
80% chance of rain
Outside my windows, the sun is still shining low in the horizon.
Blue skies and white clouds. A gentle wind has started but no sign of the rain.
It was forecast to rain all week long.
Beautiful day to be me.
----------- *
Blue skies and white clouds. A gentle wind has started but no sign of the rain.
It was forecast to rain all week long.
Beautiful day to be me.
----------- *
23.3.06
Ever it was thus...
Am I getting older in my ways or is my attention just on the temporary due to the nature of my employment? Whatever the reason it does seem that this last year has held an unaccountably high number of deaths for friends and acquaintences.
Today I see an obituary for a wonderful woman who was friend, neighbour, co-worker and think how brief a time ago it was we were laughing beside a field of poppies and daisies.
A few weeks back someone mentioned to me that Campbell River has a disporportionatly large rate of cancers. The person who said it had transferred to that locale and within 8 months became convinced carcinogens made the air heavy with risk.
This person is otherwise very staid of opinion. It took much convincing before I actually listened without undue leeriness. Now my dear wonderful friend:
If ever there was a being emcompassing nuture it was her.
She had a glorious mane of golden hair tweaked with silver. She had a husband who adored her and was adored by her. She had daughters and family.
She emanated peace and joy.
And she too is gone.
Another hole in the fabric of my life.
I will always remember you Joy when I see wildflowers.
Joy truly sings on in all weathers.
--------------------------- x
Today I see an obituary for a wonderful woman who was friend, neighbour, co-worker and think how brief a time ago it was we were laughing beside a field of poppies and daisies.
A few weeks back someone mentioned to me that Campbell River has a disporportionatly large rate of cancers. The person who said it had transferred to that locale and within 8 months became convinced carcinogens made the air heavy with risk.
This person is otherwise very staid of opinion. It took much convincing before I actually listened without undue leeriness. Now my dear wonderful friend:
If ever there was a being emcompassing nuture it was her.
She had a glorious mane of golden hair tweaked with silver. She had a husband who adored her and was adored by her. She had daughters and family.
She emanated peace and joy.
And she too is gone.
Another hole in the fabric of my life.
I will always remember you Joy when I see wildflowers.
Joy truly sings on in all weathers.
--------------------------- x
22.3.06
You can't please everyone
Recently I ended my involvement with an online game which has more or less been a huge hobby/otherworldly existence for many many years. I still would like to be there however my rl obligations and the emotions which stem from that prohibit me from tainting my character and it no longer is the relase it once was.
In typical all or nothing style I got pissed off and *left*.
I am considerably older than many of my co-gamers. Many but not all.
Rudeness has always bothered me in all worlds.
I despise voyeurism and logging and all that goes with that peeking in on other people and judging them. In a digital world that is a given. People mind everyone elses business with gusto. Years and years ago I stopped having anything to do with people who are interested in developing their avatars into assholes. Roleplay is no excuse to be a ratass jerk.
Someone managed to annoy me just exactly that way on a day I was no disposed to overlooking and I reevaluated my *hobby* as a childish pursuit. Cold-turkey after 11 years. *ouch*
Can't leave without ruffling feathers.
Got a reminder of that today.
It made me a little sad.
:(
------------------- *
In typical all or nothing style I got pissed off and *left*.
I am considerably older than many of my co-gamers. Many but not all.
Rudeness has always bothered me in all worlds.
I despise voyeurism and logging and all that goes with that peeking in on other people and judging them. In a digital world that is a given. People mind everyone elses business with gusto. Years and years ago I stopped having anything to do with people who are interested in developing their avatars into assholes. Roleplay is no excuse to be a ratass jerk.
Someone managed to annoy me just exactly that way on a day I was no disposed to overlooking and I reevaluated my *hobby* as a childish pursuit. Cold-turkey after 11 years. *ouch*
Can't leave without ruffling feathers.
Got a reminder of that today.
It made me a little sad.
:(
------------------- *
20.3.06
Crossing those blurry lines....
More and more, our Community Health Workers and Nurses as well as our Mental Health Workers working out in the community are dealing with people who are very challenging to work with due to complex medical issues that until recently would have ensured their quick and possibly non-consensual placement in a facility.
Good news for the clients is not always welcome news for those who work with and alongside them.
In my client base I have two outstandingly difficult situations in which I am placed.
There is nothing I can do to make things better: only my own attitude and client-focused care are on offer. There are times I can hear a big sucking sound in my head, as I am bombarded with negative energies. Mostly I ignore such things, but every now and then it is not possible. Today was such a day.
It is a difficult thing to be younger than mandatory retirement age and wheelchair bound. It is even worse if you are dependant on others to keep you clean ie: changing your attends. Many stroke survivors become incontinent. Many more are forced to use incontinence systems (pads or adult diapers) because of the difficulty transferring them from wheelchair to commode/toilet. All this on top of a brain injury. Not very pleasant. When the damage is to the frontal lobe you can just bet there are additional behavioural issues that are hard to control.
I have a client who is deemed competant. This client can pass the test for such measurements. This client, deemed competant, chooses to lash out in anger during care moments. This client, although wheelchair bound is very capable of connecting jabs and hits. Today it was the sling straps. As I am leaning in to remove the leg sling, whap--- he whips the strap off and flicks it in my face. He had previously been jabbing at my co-worker.
It is hard to have to say to someone that you know would really rather not have anyone, let alone two someones, that because of their behaviour, you have to have an assistant. Eventually, if this continues, this client will wind up in restraints in a facility somewhere. It is just a question of time. Someone will be in the wrong position and one of those kicks hits jabs or flicks will connect in a way that harms rather than hurts. I have done my time there. I am done after today. Perhaps someone else will be more successful. More likely, someone else will not document nor report because of fear, shame or general careless-ness. Not that they won't care, just that they care not to report.
Does my client choose to be difficult?
Can I remove the trigger to the behaviours?
Sure I can: I could leave my client sopping wet and not changed.
I could choose not to transfer my client leaving them in bed.
No win.
--------- +
Good news for the clients is not always welcome news for those who work with and alongside them.
In my client base I have two outstandingly difficult situations in which I am placed.
There is nothing I can do to make things better: only my own attitude and client-focused care are on offer. There are times I can hear a big sucking sound in my head, as I am bombarded with negative energies. Mostly I ignore such things, but every now and then it is not possible. Today was such a day.
It is a difficult thing to be younger than mandatory retirement age and wheelchair bound. It is even worse if you are dependant on others to keep you clean ie: changing your attends. Many stroke survivors become incontinent. Many more are forced to use incontinence systems (pads or adult diapers) because of the difficulty transferring them from wheelchair to commode/toilet. All this on top of a brain injury. Not very pleasant. When the damage is to the frontal lobe you can just bet there are additional behavioural issues that are hard to control.
I have a client who is deemed competant. This client can pass the test for such measurements. This client, deemed competant, chooses to lash out in anger during care moments. This client, although wheelchair bound is very capable of connecting jabs and hits. Today it was the sling straps. As I am leaning in to remove the leg sling, whap--- he whips the strap off and flicks it in my face. He had previously been jabbing at my co-worker.
It is hard to have to say to someone that you know would really rather not have anyone, let alone two someones, that because of their behaviour, you have to have an assistant. Eventually, if this continues, this client will wind up in restraints in a facility somewhere. It is just a question of time. Someone will be in the wrong position and one of those kicks hits jabs or flicks will connect in a way that harms rather than hurts. I have done my time there. I am done after today. Perhaps someone else will be more successful. More likely, someone else will not document nor report because of fear, shame or general careless-ness. Not that they won't care, just that they care not to report.
Does my client choose to be difficult?
Can I remove the trigger to the behaviours?
Sure I can: I could leave my client sopping wet and not changed.
I could choose not to transfer my client leaving them in bed.
No win.
--------- +
19.3.06
"Away mind" (dementia)
Dementia.
Quite literally this word means "away mind".
More comfortable to the 21st century seeker who requires more words when those two did splendidly, dementia means:
The loss of intellectual functions (such as thinking, remembering, and reasoning) of sufficient severity to interfere with a person’s daily functioning.
Dementia is not a disease itself but rather a group of symptoms that may accompany certain diseases or conditions. Symptoms may also include changes in personality, mood, and behavior. Dementia is irreversible when caused by disease or injury but may be reversible when caused by drugs, alcohol, hormone or vitamin imbalances, or depression.
-----
CHARMING!
It is not enough that we deal with demented clients day in and out.
It is imperative to be able to handle difficult behaviours in a way that does not include harbouring ill feelings or fear. I have no such trouble with clients.
Relatives, on the other hand are trickier.
For quite a while now I have been advocating for my parent who, after a series of ailments and illnesses show signs of a progressive dementia. Since I have taken the Cadillac of courses on this topic and have in my client list virtually every dementia going excluding some rare exotic yet-to-be-named ones someone somewhere is yet to diagnosis.... I am a very well-informed advocate.
When you do not have the letters PhD behind your name, anyone with G.P. thinks they must know more than you do. All right, perhaps not ___anyone___ but certain Doctors in this area fit that remark very well. Certain meaning quite a few, more than ten I could think of right off the bat. This is not necessarily a bad thing; we all need boundaries and distance from our work. Passion and obsession are very close indeed. It is preferable however when a family doctor LISTENS to what family members are saying about their loved ones, and take the individuals on a per case basis. 6 bloody years of asking a Doctor and now finally when the symptoms are so severe they cannot be denied... now the diagnosis comes in.
Mad?
Nah.... disappointed.
There are medications that can halt progressive dementias for a time.
They cannot reverse them.... but would it not be nice to be where we were 4 years ago instead of where we are now?
I had some excellent teachers.
Some worldclass Psychiatrists and some garden-variety Nursing Instructors...
The nurses were in some cases JUST as valuable a resource as the Doctors.
It boils down to this:
An easy acronym for you to remember.
MOJIAL
M for mobility
O for orientation
J for judgement
I for intellect
A for affect
L for language.
The global consensus is that if a person has any 3 of those factors in play, a dementia is at work. Whether temporary, reversible or progressive, it is a dementia.
My parent has M in spades.
J in spades.
O in clubs... A in diamonds...
It is a strong 2.8 but the J is so strong it rates almost as two.
So sad.
This diagnosis means the end of driving.
That may not seem bad to you or I, in fact I am delighted as long ago I stopped being a passenger with my parent. I drive or the car goes nowhere.
But to my parent it represents a little death.
In the end it never matters why.
It only matters how you handle it.
Lions anyone?
Quite literally this word means "away mind".
More comfortable to the 21st century seeker who requires more words when those two did splendidly, dementia means:
The loss of intellectual functions (such as thinking, remembering, and reasoning) of sufficient severity to interfere with a person’s daily functioning.
Dementia is not a disease itself but rather a group of symptoms that may accompany certain diseases or conditions. Symptoms may also include changes in personality, mood, and behavior. Dementia is irreversible when caused by disease or injury but may be reversible when caused by drugs, alcohol, hormone or vitamin imbalances, or depression.
-----
CHARMING!
It is not enough that we deal with demented clients day in and out.
It is imperative to be able to handle difficult behaviours in a way that does not include harbouring ill feelings or fear. I have no such trouble with clients.
Relatives, on the other hand are trickier.
For quite a while now I have been advocating for my parent who, after a series of ailments and illnesses show signs of a progressive dementia. Since I have taken the Cadillac of courses on this topic and have in my client list virtually every dementia going excluding some rare exotic yet-to-be-named ones someone somewhere is yet to diagnosis.... I am a very well-informed advocate.
When you do not have the letters PhD behind your name, anyone with G.P. thinks they must know more than you do. All right, perhaps not ___anyone___ but certain Doctors in this area fit that remark very well. Certain meaning quite a few, more than ten I could think of right off the bat. This is not necessarily a bad thing; we all need boundaries and distance from our work. Passion and obsession are very close indeed. It is preferable however when a family doctor LISTENS to what family members are saying about their loved ones, and take the individuals on a per case basis. 6 bloody years of asking a Doctor and now finally when the symptoms are so severe they cannot be denied... now the diagnosis comes in.
Mad?
Nah.... disappointed.
There are medications that can halt progressive dementias for a time.
They cannot reverse them.... but would it not be nice to be where we were 4 years ago instead of where we are now?
I had some excellent teachers.
Some worldclass Psychiatrists and some garden-variety Nursing Instructors...
The nurses were in some cases JUST as valuable a resource as the Doctors.
It boils down to this:
An easy acronym for you to remember.
MOJIAL
M for mobility
O for orientation
J for judgement
I for intellect
A for affect
L for language.
The global consensus is that if a person has any 3 of those factors in play, a dementia is at work. Whether temporary, reversible or progressive, it is a dementia.
My parent has M in spades.
J in spades.
O in clubs... A in diamonds...
It is a strong 2.8 but the J is so strong it rates almost as two.
So sad.
This diagnosis means the end of driving.
That may not seem bad to you or I, in fact I am delighted as long ago I stopped being a passenger with my parent. I drive or the car goes nowhere.
But to my parent it represents a little death.
In the end it never matters why.
It only matters how you handle it.
Lions anyone?
18.3.06
Life and Dreams in a Bruce Cockburn Song
--- oh yes, again with the Lion dreams.
Awakening this time, I was deeply fearful and only just remembered to remember it was a dream about lions that I was trying to forget. (!!!)
This now is the 3rd occasion I have recalled vividly dreaming of lions. Naturally I believe, as did Edgar Cayce, or whatever entity it was he channelled, that only I can know the meanings of my own dreams. Be that as it may, I took my search online and found this at http://www.experiencefestival.com/meaning_of_dreams_about_lion
Lion
To dream of a lion, signifies that a great force is driving you.
If you subdue the lion, you will be victorious in any engagement.
If it overpowers you, then you will be open to the successful attacks of enemies.
To see caged lions, denotes that your success depends upon your ability to cope with opposition.
To see a man controlling a lion in its cage, or out denotes success in business and great mental power. You will be favorably regarded by women.
To see young lions, denotes new enterprises, which will bring success if properly attended.
For a young woman to dream of young lions, denotes new and fascinating lovers.
For a woman to dream that she sees Daniel in the lions' den, signifies that by her intellectual qualifications and personal magnetism she will win fortune and lovers to her highest desire.
To hear the roar of a lion, signifies unexpected advancement and preferment with women.
To see a lion's head over you, showing his teeth by snarls, you are threatened with defeat in your upward rise to power.
To see a lion's skin, denotes a rise to fortune and happiness.
To ride one, denotes courage and persistency in surmounting difficulties.
To dream you are defending your children from a lion with a pen-knife, foretells enemies will threaten to overpower you, and will well nigh succeed if you allow any artfulness to persuade you for a moment from duty and business obligations.
Source: 10 000 Dream Interpretations, by Gustavus Hindman Miller
----
Fascinating stuff, except only the opening statement can be applied to me.
I am my own great force and of course I am in the driver's seat.
I continue my search....
Carl Jung was of the mind that Lions being ferocious, and to be dreaming of lions could indicate that you are harboring anger. The animal and the trait that comes to mind to you about the animal are the keys to
deciphering this symbol.
hmm hmm what do lions mean to me?
One of my siblings is a Leo and is soon to reside in the vicinity for 4 weeks.
I am not pleased about that event but I doubt my subconscious would bother connecting all those dots....
I continue looking..... dreaming of lions....
dream-land info dream dictionary....
yes! This one is FAR more suitable...
In the positive sense, a lion represents dignity, intensity and valiant energy. If you dream of a lion in a positive light, it means that you need to call on courage within yourself. If you are being attacked by a lion, be careful, you might be in danger. Seeing a lion: your friend sometimes looks dangerous. If you defeat a lion in the dream, you will eliminate your enemy. Seeing a lion in the cage: your enemy has no way to attack you now.
---
But in the end it is Edgar Cayce who had it closest.
Only I can know.... and I have no clue.
------------------------- *
"I had another dream about lions at the door
they weren't half as frightening as they were before
but i'm thinking about eternity
some kind of ecstasy got a hold on me ..... "
(Bruce Cockburn)
17.3.06
Charmed life
Lucky Charms
Ah the wearing of the green. It was surprising how many people showed up to work in Green. I know I did! One fellow even dyed his beard. Very cool.
As I was walking around town, caught up in delight and happiness, it struck me that if I were to script a life for myself incorporating every detail important to me, I could not have got it better. Of course I believe we all script our lives and we become what we imagine ourselves to be, or be capable of.
It pleases me that I have chosen happiness.
Thank you God.
------------------------ * . *
Ah the wearing of the green. It was surprising how many people showed up to work in Green. I know I did! One fellow even dyed his beard. Very cool.
As I was walking around town, caught up in delight and happiness, it struck me that if I were to script a life for myself incorporating every detail important to me, I could not have got it better. Of course I believe we all script our lives and we become what we imagine ourselves to be, or be capable of.
It pleases me that I have chosen happiness.
Thank you God.
------------------------ * . *
15.3.06
--- Kiss kiss ---
Another dream: I was doing some mundane task and suddenly a man I work with; a fellow employee kissed me thoroughally. It was a nice kiss and I was somewhere surprised but sufficiently delighted to stay asleep until I had been completely kissed. I was a little surprised at who it was in my dream but ah well: just a dream.
Today I went to a 2 person assignment and was very early.
I sat at the side of the side listening to Joy Division and daydreaming when up pulled the second worker.
"You going to this guy now?"
"Yup, Are you my second person?"
He leaned in and kissed me.
I was ---surprised---.
The dream kiss was better. This one was just on the cheek.
He said it was for being there as he dislikes going to this particular client rather alot.
I hate to tell you he is married.
He isn't married but he is in a committed long-term relationship.
How odd though that I would dream that and then he would kiss me.
I kinda liked it.
------
** 1 hour 45 minutes later **
The son of a client asked me if I would mind if he hitched a ride with me uptown.
Okay. No kiss there but it was..... odd.
Especially the part where he made some lame excuse to touch my leg.
Phermones I think I am exuding them again.
----------------------- *
Today I went to a 2 person assignment and was very early.
I sat at the side of the side listening to Joy Division and daydreaming when up pulled the second worker.
"You going to this guy now?"
"Yup, Are you my second person?"
He leaned in and kissed me.
I was ---surprised---.
The dream kiss was better. This one was just on the cheek.
He said it was for being there as he dislikes going to this particular client rather alot.
I hate to tell you he is married.
He isn't married but he is in a committed long-term relationship.
How odd though that I would dream that and then he would kiss me.
I kinda liked it.
------
** 1 hour 45 minutes later **
The son of a client asked me if I would mind if he hitched a ride with me uptown.
Okay. No kiss there but it was..... odd.
Especially the part where he made some lame excuse to touch my leg.
Phermones I think I am exuding them again.
----------------------- *
13.3.06
Strange Dreams Indeed!
Nighttime dreaming is always eventful for me. Lately I have had some doozies.
I have yet to look these up in my dream books but I will share them.
The night before last, I had a very vivid dream in which a pair of lions were prowling around and in my house. Naturally it was not my current home but a rural location where there was a sizable yard. I saw a male lion, mane resplendant and was more or less dumbstruck. Everyone else was acting as if this was a relatively minor inconvenience.
"Go on Kaeb back into the house, the lion is gone."
I absolutely refused and stood my ground watching from behind a tree.
Moments later a black small animal darted by and out of nowhere a female lion pounced and dragged it away, struggling. The male followed.
I was trying to imagine what would have happened should I have gone into my house.
It was so gruesome I woke up.
I am not sure I ever dreamed about lions before.
Something new at last.
-----
Then there was last night.
Today my eldest sibling is going to visit my parent's GP to try to get some essential paperwork filled out so that he can claim a tax credit to which he is entitled. In my dream the visit was unsuccessful and we were discussing how things could have gone better. I volunteered to go speak with the Doctor. Very reasonably.
It did not go well.
The Doctor refused to fill the form in regardless of his agreement that our parent is very different than he was not long ago. Next thing you know I was yelling and shouting and trying to get the last word in.
I remember telling my sister how satisfied I was at finally telling that stupid Doctor what I really thought of him and his fatalistic methodical pedantic approach to geriatric medicine.
She agreed and then told me solemnly that my cheap remark to the uninvolved bystander was uncalled for though.
haha. Humbled by a dream arguement.
I can only hope that I awakened at 3:30 am becaust the doggie needed to go out and NOT because I was shouting again.
---------------------------- *
I have yet to look these up in my dream books but I will share them.
The night before last, I had a very vivid dream in which a pair of lions were prowling around and in my house. Naturally it was not my current home but a rural location where there was a sizable yard. I saw a male lion, mane resplendant and was more or less dumbstruck. Everyone else was acting as if this was a relatively minor inconvenience.
"Go on Kaeb back into the house, the lion is gone."
I absolutely refused and stood my ground watching from behind a tree.
Moments later a black small animal darted by and out of nowhere a female lion pounced and dragged it away, struggling. The male followed.
I was trying to imagine what would have happened should I have gone into my house.
It was so gruesome I woke up.
I am not sure I ever dreamed about lions before.
Something new at last.
-----
Then there was last night.
Today my eldest sibling is going to visit my parent's GP to try to get some essential paperwork filled out so that he can claim a tax credit to which he is entitled. In my dream the visit was unsuccessful and we were discussing how things could have gone better. I volunteered to go speak with the Doctor. Very reasonably.
It did not go well.
The Doctor refused to fill the form in regardless of his agreement that our parent is very different than he was not long ago. Next thing you know I was yelling and shouting and trying to get the last word in.
I remember telling my sister how satisfied I was at finally telling that stupid Doctor what I really thought of him and his fatalistic methodical pedantic approach to geriatric medicine.
She agreed and then told me solemnly that my cheap remark to the uninvolved bystander was uncalled for though.
haha. Humbled by a dream arguement.
I can only hope that I awakened at 3:30 am becaust the doggie needed to go out and NOT because I was shouting again.
---------------------------- *
12.3.06
Birthday Boy (s)
Happy Birthday Eric!
Look!
I am putting your picture up here.
OH MY!
I wish you a New Year of joy and contentment and happiness.
I wish you healthy kids and happy times.
I wish you a long walk with your God.
-------------- *
oh and cake.
I wish you lots and lots of cake.
Chocolate, perferably.
---------------- *
You too 'Clue.
I would put your pic up but I haven't one on this comp.
I know Chel and Kasey are taking good care of you.
And vica-versa.
May your beard grow ever longer !!!
(the offical *bog* birthday greets)
--------------------------*
Look!
I am putting your picture up here.
OH MY!
I wish you a New Year of joy and contentment and happiness.
I wish you healthy kids and happy times.
I wish you a long walk with your God.
-------------- *
oh and cake.
I wish you lots and lots of cake.
Chocolate, perferably.
---------------- *
You too 'Clue.
I would put your pic up but I haven't one on this comp.
I know Chel and Kasey are taking good care of you.
And vica-versa.
May your beard grow ever longer !!!
(the offical *bog* birthday greets)
--------------------------*
10.3.06
Marley-man is dead :(
For a few years now I have had on my mind whatever became of one of my favourite people from the long ago. He was just a little guy when I knew him but he endeared himself to me forever by his reluctance to let me go. He held my leg and sobbed.
"Noooo, noooo, I don't want you to be gone."
His father had no such trouble.
If there is a chink in my thick thick armour, it would be ---that--- family.
Not Marleyman tho, never him. Even at his tender age he was wonderful.
He inherited his mother's gift for images.
Even now, I cannot speak about __them__.
Noone has ever managed to get that close to me ever again.
And noone ever will.
God, I was a sucker.
I had a moment earlier this evening, when something someone said reminded me of that place, that time, and the sole thing I miss: Marley.
Well he is gone now.
Too soon too soon.
I know the lad I knew grew to fulfill his early promise I saw so clearly.
Follow that URL above and you will see it also.
He looks like Doug. But thin like her.
I cannot mourn for him. I did that years ago.
But I am sorry for his wife and family who will ever miss him.
You know; even now--- this hurts.
Farewell tender spirit.
Farewell once more.
------------------------ X
"Noooo, noooo, I don't want you to be gone."
His father had no such trouble.
If there is a chink in my thick thick armour, it would be ---that--- family.
Not Marleyman tho, never him. Even at his tender age he was wonderful.
He inherited his mother's gift for images.
Even now, I cannot speak about __them__.
Noone has ever managed to get that close to me ever again.
And noone ever will.
God, I was a sucker.
I had a moment earlier this evening, when something someone said reminded me of that place, that time, and the sole thing I miss: Marley.
Well he is gone now.
Too soon too soon.
I know the lad I knew grew to fulfill his early promise I saw so clearly.
Follow that URL above and you will see it also.
He looks like Doug. But thin like her.
I cannot mourn for him. I did that years ago.
But I am sorry for his wife and family who will ever miss him.
You know; even now--- this hurts.
Farewell tender spirit.
Farewell once more.
------------------------ X
Olden days
"I don't know what I did to deserve that man. He was just so fine. Our children never heard us quarrel."
"Was he older than you Mrs. ___ ?"
"oh yes... by quite a few years. In fact I liked to tell him he started the war and I ended it."
She had told me earlier she was almost 80 but I realised then he was 1914 and she was 1918 making her 88. So she has lost a few years. Oh well.
I love listening to this woman. She tells me the same few stories over and over again due to shortterm memory loss but each time it is fresh and new and rivetting to her. I just love listening. She has such a gusto for life. Even at this diminished level.
She tells me she never aspired to anything at all other than to be a good wife.
She was gorgeous of course and has no idea how attractive she really was and remains.
Her husband likely adored her. She tells me he hated to travel but never begrudged her a vacation so she toured the world while he waited at home. I love that.
I do not do much for her. I am really there just in case she needs me.
Since she doesn't worry much about anything, her adls go by the wayside.
When I show up, with my familiar voice, she toddles off to bathe.
Then she comes back clean and talks my head off.
I love it.
:)
----------------------------- . *
"Was he older than you Mrs. ___ ?"
"oh yes... by quite a few years. In fact I liked to tell him he started the war and I ended it."
She had told me earlier she was almost 80 but I realised then he was 1914 and she was 1918 making her 88. So she has lost a few years. Oh well.
I love listening to this woman. She tells me the same few stories over and over again due to shortterm memory loss but each time it is fresh and new and rivetting to her. I just love listening. She has such a gusto for life. Even at this diminished level.
She tells me she never aspired to anything at all other than to be a good wife.
She was gorgeous of course and has no idea how attractive she really was and remains.
Her husband likely adored her. She tells me he hated to travel but never begrudged her a vacation so she toured the world while he waited at home. I love that.
I do not do much for her. I am really there just in case she needs me.
Since she doesn't worry much about anything, her adls go by the wayside.
When I show up, with my familiar voice, she toddles off to bathe.
Then she comes back clean and talks my head off.
I love it.
:)
----------------------------- . *
Turning 30-ness
Ah thirty.
That was the age I got sick in anticipation of being completely old.
I truly thought life was on the downhill slope on that eve.
Thirty represented some invisible barrier through which once passed, would be impenetrable from the other side.
Boy, was I ever dumb!
30 is great!
It is Dragana's turn to enter the 30 zone.
Dragana who is beautiful and talented in 4 languages.
You don't need birthday wishes my dear.
You just need to see yourself as I do.
Perfect.
Have a wonderful time in Belgrade.
-------------------------- . . . *
That was the age I got sick in anticipation of being completely old.
I truly thought life was on the downhill slope on that eve.
Thirty represented some invisible barrier through which once passed, would be impenetrable from the other side.
Boy, was I ever dumb!
30 is great!
It is Dragana's turn to enter the 30 zone.
Dragana who is beautiful and talented in 4 languages.
You don't need birthday wishes my dear.
You just need to see yourself as I do.
Perfect.
Have a wonderful time in Belgrade.
-------------------------- . . . *
8.3.06
Those who would sacrifice freedom for security
This is a stellar quote.
This post is for George W.
A gift from Kaeb, free of charge.
Mr. Bush, read and engrave on your heart.
You too Mr. Cheney.
"Those who would sacrifice freedom for security will lose both." --Abraham Lincoln
"Those who would sacrifice freedom for security deserve neither." -- Ben Franklin
-------
This post is for George W.
A gift from Kaeb, free of charge.
Mr. Bush, read and engrave on your heart.
You too Mr. Cheney.
"Those who would sacrifice freedom for security will lose both." --Abraham Lincoln
"Those who would sacrifice freedom for security deserve neither." -- Ben Franklin
-------
There is a crack in everything....
That is from a Leonard Cohen song that Ms. Rogers made reference to concluding her interview with Mr. Clewes.
Would that not be the very best book title ever?
"A Crack in Everything" by Kaeb (with thanks to Richard Clewes, Shelagh Rogers and Leonard Cohen)
Yup. One day.
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"
Leonard Cohen (Anthem)
Would that not be the very best book title ever?
"A Crack in Everything" by Kaeb (with thanks to Richard Clewes, Shelagh Rogers and Leonard Cohen)
Yup. One day.
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"
Leonard Cohen (Anthem)
Finding Lily
Finding Lily .by Richard Clewes . 155263745X . $24.95 tp . March
“It doesn't whine; it doesn't sing with false hope, either. Finding Lily is simply the story of a bad thing that happened to a decent man—and what he did in the aftermath. I wish more writers wrote like Mr. Clewes.”—David Gilmour, author of A Perfect Night to Go to China
I heard Richard Clewes speaking with Shelaugh Rogers on Sounds like Canada.
Richard Clewes travelled to the Caribbean, Europe, Asia and the Antipodes in an effort to sort through his grief after his wife committed suicide.
The story of his journey is told in "Finding Lily".
I actually cried. By the beach.
Richard Clewes said something amazing.
He said:
"It is a grace not to thrash against time."
That is one of the truest things I have ever heard.
--------------------------- @
“It doesn't whine; it doesn't sing with false hope, either. Finding Lily is simply the story of a bad thing that happened to a decent man—and what he did in the aftermath. I wish more writers wrote like Mr. Clewes.”—David Gilmour, author of A Perfect Night to Go to China
I heard Richard Clewes speaking with Shelaugh Rogers on Sounds like Canada.
Richard Clewes travelled to the Caribbean, Europe, Asia and the Antipodes in an effort to sort through his grief after his wife committed suicide.
The story of his journey is told in "Finding Lily".
I actually cried. By the beach.
Richard Clewes said something amazing.
He said:
"It is a grace not to thrash against time."
That is one of the truest things I have ever heard.
--------------------------- @
7.3.06
A cancer of the ....
Ah mental health.
I had a dentist years ago who told me that good dental health promoted good mental health. It is as good an adage as any and as accurate too.
Alot of mental health work has been offloaded to the appropriate ministry.
(read cancelled)
Very little mental health work comes my way these days and I am soon to lose my last few mental health clients. These are people who are in need. People who need a steady hand beside them to hold onto the rudder as they encounter storms.
As I sat at the beach watching gulls feeding and waves dancing, I heard a voice on the radio say:
"Loneliness is a cancer of the Soul."
Aptly this was a mental health client speaking.
There are better treatments for cancer than to nuke the hell out of it.
Radiation tends to kill everything.
Pay attention Ministry.
I had a dentist years ago who told me that good dental health promoted good mental health. It is as good an adage as any and as accurate too.
Alot of mental health work has been offloaded to the appropriate ministry.
(read cancelled)
Very little mental health work comes my way these days and I am soon to lose my last few mental health clients. These are people who are in need. People who need a steady hand beside them to hold onto the rudder as they encounter storms.
As I sat at the beach watching gulls feeding and waves dancing, I heard a voice on the radio say:
"Loneliness is a cancer of the Soul."
Aptly this was a mental health client speaking.
There are better treatments for cancer than to nuke the hell out of it.
Radiation tends to kill everything.
Pay attention Ministry.
Payback and Karma
After a very unusual failure which culminated in wire off, I went to the twin city for 2 clients I did not know at all. Typically, my shift does not include this area unless client hours are high and worker availability low.
A very nice gentleman, frail and thin with a severe case of the shakes.
Parkinson's and a new person: not sure which would set him off more than the other.
A simple task: washed, dressed and groomed.
A anally retentive assistant (me) who washes and grooms each person in the way I would my own child. I would not want my child going out into the world dirty or half-washed. If people can choose and have the judgement to do so, they can do whatever they like. If they are relying on me to help them on their way, then they are going to be clean and lovely.
As I left the home, the gentlemans said to his wife (so I could hear):
"She's one of the creme de la creme m'dear. I enjoyed that, believe it or not!"
She turned to me and said:
"You can come back ANYTIME! For a cuppa tea even luv."
I love my job.
Warm fuzzy wuzzies.
-----
Next client also total stranger--- finished tasks and:
"Boy I sure got lucky today! Can you come back tomorrow?"
Perhaps I smelled right.
Of course Mrs. Boppedy boo-boo didnt think so but you can't please everyone and with dementias, nothing can be assumed.
Wish someone had told me she was demented. I found out the --oh--so--very--hard way.
Ah well.
Karma took care of me.
I had a wonderful day.
:)
A very nice gentleman, frail and thin with a severe case of the shakes.
Parkinson's and a new person: not sure which would set him off more than the other.
A simple task: washed, dressed and groomed.
A anally retentive assistant (me) who washes and grooms each person in the way I would my own child. I would not want my child going out into the world dirty or half-washed. If people can choose and have the judgement to do so, they can do whatever they like. If they are relying on me to help them on their way, then they are going to be clean and lovely.
As I left the home, the gentlemans said to his wife (so I could hear):
"She's one of the creme de la creme m'dear. I enjoyed that, believe it or not!"
She turned to me and said:
"You can come back ANYTIME! For a cuppa tea even luv."
I love my job.
Warm fuzzy wuzzies.
-----
Next client also total stranger--- finished tasks and:
"Boy I sure got lucky today! Can you come back tomorrow?"
Perhaps I smelled right.
Of course Mrs. Boppedy boo-boo didnt think so but you can't please everyone and with dementias, nothing can be assumed.
Wish someone had told me she was demented. I found out the --oh--so--very--hard way.
Ah well.
Karma took care of me.
I had a wonderful day.
:)
6.3.06
The Ocean as Breakfast, lunch and dinner
The Sea is lapping against the shore where thousands of gulls sit.
Above them, eagles circle calling to one another and out to sea, there is the barking of seals and sea-lions.
My client told me to watch the seas and when I saw the gatherings of the gulls and seals I would know the herring are in.
"Are you a commercial fisherman?" I asked.
"No, just an appreciator of God's table. I have lived on the ocean for 30 years. You learn something from it all the time."
And I learn from him.
What a glorious feast.
------ *
Above them, eagles circle calling to one another and out to sea, there is the barking of seals and sea-lions.
My client told me to watch the seas and when I saw the gatherings of the gulls and seals I would know the herring are in.
"Are you a commercial fisherman?" I asked.
"No, just an appreciator of God's table. I have lived on the ocean for 30 years. You learn something from it all the time."
And I learn from him.
What a glorious feast.
------ *
3.3.06
Reality
The reality of my last few weeks and months has been one incredible journey from hope to *whateverthisisnow* .
If ever someone does something to truly and deeply hurt you, do not ever let them back into your heart.
Even as a person of hope, I still say truths I would rather not.
Go figure.
---- phht.
If ever someone does something to truly and deeply hurt you, do not ever let them back into your heart.
Even as a person of hope, I still say truths I would rather not.
Go figure.
---- phht.
27.2.06
"OH! How....."
Many a truth is spoken in...... my face?
Having another change on my schedule, I found myself going to a wonderful lady who lives in The Village with the most stunning view available in the downtown area.
She has exquisite taste, and had life gone differently she tells me she would have loved to have been an Interior Designer or Decorator. I tell her she already was.
The last time I saw her was over one year ago, and before that likely the same.
We rarely cross paths.
The Lady gets her regular service administered by the same 3 or 4 people and each day she has a plan for that particular person. The day I arrived she was expecting someone else. She opened the door to me and said:
"Oh! How very dreadful!"
Later we laughed about it but I know exactly what she meant, honest I do.
;)
We all hate change.
Having another change on my schedule, I found myself going to a wonderful lady who lives in The Village with the most stunning view available in the downtown area.
She has exquisite taste, and had life gone differently she tells me she would have loved to have been an Interior Designer or Decorator. I tell her she already was.
The last time I saw her was over one year ago, and before that likely the same.
We rarely cross paths.
The Lady gets her regular service administered by the same 3 or 4 people and each day she has a plan for that particular person. The day I arrived she was expecting someone else. She opened the door to me and said:
"Oh! How very dreadful!"
Later we laughed about it but I know exactly what she meant, honest I do.
;)
We all hate change.
24.2.06
*-=- Sanctuary -=-*
Check out that URL here (in case you don't see the link above)
What an interesting article.
What an unusual society. Great name tho.
I have sanctuary in my home.
I have an altar and many reverential objects which I imagine can be construed as idoltrous by Right-Wing Christians who worship money and television but are threatened by reverence to sacredness.
Interestingly, Theosophists believe in similar Doctrines I embrace with a glaring exception.
Can you spot it?
* reincarnation,
* karma (or moral justice),
* the existence of worlds of experience beyond the physical,
* the presence of life and consciousness in all matter,
* the evolution of spirit and intelligence as well as of physical matter,
* the possibility of our conscious participation in evolution,
* the power of thought to affect one's self and surroundings,
* the reality of free will and self-responsibility,
* the duty of altruism, a concern for the welfare of others, and
* the ultimate perfection of human nature, society, and life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I do not believe in the ultimate perfection of human nature, etc.
I do believe that by virtue of our existance in this realm, temporal beings possessed by the eternal, we are imperfect by nature.
Otherwise: These people are quirky-cool.
What an interesting article.
What an unusual society. Great name tho.
I have sanctuary in my home.
I have an altar and many reverential objects which I imagine can be construed as idoltrous by Right-Wing Christians who worship money and television but are threatened by reverence to sacredness.
Interestingly, Theosophists believe in similar Doctrines I embrace with a glaring exception.
Can you spot it?
* reincarnation,
* karma (or moral justice),
* the existence of worlds of experience beyond the physical,
* the presence of life and consciousness in all matter,
* the evolution of spirit and intelligence as well as of physical matter,
* the possibility of our conscious participation in evolution,
* the power of thought to affect one's self and surroundings,
* the reality of free will and self-responsibility,
* the duty of altruism, a concern for the welfare of others, and
* the ultimate perfection of human nature, society, and life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I do not believe in the ultimate perfection of human nature, etc.
I do believe that by virtue of our existance in this realm, temporal beings possessed by the eternal, we are imperfect by nature.
Otherwise: These people are quirky-cool.
Early Retirement
One of the Care-Aides from a regional hospital took early retirement at the age of 33. His mother, wondering why he had slept in went downstairs to awaken him only to find he was *gone.* What a shocker!
He was a big boy and to all outward appearances healthy despite obesity.
He was a pleasant and compassionate man. A heart attack in his sleep sent him to the next world.
I think I will give up cream in my coffee.
Perhaps even forego the coffee.
I am not ready for retirement.
---------*
He was a big boy and to all outward appearances healthy despite obesity.
He was a pleasant and compassionate man. A heart attack in his sleep sent him to the next world.
I think I will give up cream in my coffee.
Perhaps even forego the coffee.
I am not ready for retirement.
---------*
23.2.06
Quirky peculiar odd and endlessly interesting!
I remember this site when it was campsark.com!
Now it is planetsark. You go girl!
Sark has written these amazing books that are full of vibrancy and colour.
I was drawn to them by the titles.
The one I am thinking of is called: The Bodacious Book of Succulence.
Now it isn't everyone who could write a book like that and get it published.
But Sark isn't just anyone. She is sooo cool. http://www.planetsark.com/studio_meet_sark.htm
She reminds me of a client I met many long years ago who was labelled as a functional schizophrenic. Now isn't that just the most helpful diagnosis and so very condusive to team-work.
"Hi I am your Nurse and you must be....?"
"Oh hi! I am Jim a functioning schizophrenic."
(right)
I am not sure what Jim's real deal was other than that he was incredibly creative and saw life in rich primary colours. He painted his apartment in every hue you can imagine: swaths of scarlet, ceilings of green, doors that were rainbow edged.
It was magnificent.
Brief aside: The similarity of Sark to Jim has nothing to do with mental health diagnosis and everything to do with attitude and joy.
I have no idea if Sark has Public Health Admin types scribbling opinions about her and I doubt she would care if they did. I know I wouldn't.
She touches many lives in wonderful ways.
She is a true healer.
She is a free Spirit in a world that honours fettered freaks.
And now to Jim.
Jim had colour everywhere he touched. He also wrote copiously.
Everywhere in Jim's apartment on every surface available he had journalled and scribbled prose and poetry and shopping lists for joy and peace.
The walls and the floors; especially the floors were covered with these interesting quirky thoughts. I did not meet Jim through the Arts or friends.
He was on my schedule for a dressing change where he had burned himself on his blowtorch. He was sculpting something.
The back yard where he lived contained a small shed which for a few extra dollars a month he rented and used as a studio. The irony was that Jim did some chairs for a bistro and then some downtown gallery owner decided that if Jim would build it, he could sell it. Jim is very successful and much imitated and really really pleased that people like his work. He still lives in the small colourful apartment and still has a few spaces to fill in.
Isn't it interesting that his careplan said: "Functioning Schizophrenic."
I kinda thought it should have said: "Burn to lower leg. Dressing change by HCN. 2x daily medication reminder (for antibiotics)
but that's just me.
I picked up Sarks book today: the bodacious one and I laughed.
I am not laughing at Sark. She is wonderful.
I am laughing with Jim.
He is wonderful too.
-------------- @
btw: the last time I saw Jim I asked him what it was like to be "famous" now.
He laughed and said he had not noticed any difference. His agent deposits the money in his bank account and nothing much has changed except someone has to do his taxes now.
Wonderful!
"We are all splendidly imperfect!' (Sark)
Now it is planetsark. You go girl!
Sark has written these amazing books that are full of vibrancy and colour.
I was drawn to them by the titles.
The one I am thinking of is called: The Bodacious Book of Succulence.
Now it isn't everyone who could write a book like that and get it published.
But Sark isn't just anyone. She is sooo cool. http://www.planetsark.com/studio_meet_sark.htm
She reminds me of a client I met many long years ago who was labelled as a functional schizophrenic. Now isn't that just the most helpful diagnosis and so very condusive to team-work.
"Hi I am your Nurse and you must be....?"
"Oh hi! I am Jim a functioning schizophrenic."
(right)
I am not sure what Jim's real deal was other than that he was incredibly creative and saw life in rich primary colours. He painted his apartment in every hue you can imagine: swaths of scarlet, ceilings of green, doors that were rainbow edged.
It was magnificent.
Brief aside: The similarity of Sark to Jim has nothing to do with mental health diagnosis and everything to do with attitude and joy.
I have no idea if Sark has Public Health Admin types scribbling opinions about her and I doubt she would care if they did. I know I wouldn't.
She touches many lives in wonderful ways.
She is a true healer.
She is a free Spirit in a world that honours fettered freaks.
And now to Jim.
Jim had colour everywhere he touched. He also wrote copiously.
Everywhere in Jim's apartment on every surface available he had journalled and scribbled prose and poetry and shopping lists for joy and peace.
The walls and the floors; especially the floors were covered with these interesting quirky thoughts. I did not meet Jim through the Arts or friends.
He was on my schedule for a dressing change where he had burned himself on his blowtorch. He was sculpting something.
The back yard where he lived contained a small shed which for a few extra dollars a month he rented and used as a studio. The irony was that Jim did some chairs for a bistro and then some downtown gallery owner decided that if Jim would build it, he could sell it. Jim is very successful and much imitated and really really pleased that people like his work. He still lives in the small colourful apartment and still has a few spaces to fill in.
Isn't it interesting that his careplan said: "Functioning Schizophrenic."
I kinda thought it should have said: "Burn to lower leg. Dressing change by HCN. 2x daily medication reminder (for antibiotics)
but that's just me.
I picked up Sarks book today: the bodacious one and I laughed.
I am not laughing at Sark. She is wonderful.
I am laughing with Jim.
He is wonderful too.
-------------- @
btw: the last time I saw Jim I asked him what it was like to be "famous" now.
He laughed and said he had not noticed any difference. His agent deposits the money in his bank account and nothing much has changed except someone has to do his taxes now.
Wonderful!
"We are all splendidly imperfect!' (Sark)
21.2.06
* ----------------- Always an addict?
Along that long road of life the one that weaves in and out of other people's causeways, I seem to run parallel to addicts. Me, them, us: addicts!
What am I addicted to?
Life!
Shiny things!
Lazing about!
Chocolate!
That's just this week.
Alcohol and I do not get along but mostly because virtually everyone in my family has an alcohol problem. I cannot do street drugs without disastrous results, and that's just pot! I do take a prescription drug for my asthma and another for my brain but nothing dire. I am notorious for being the one who falls asleep at parties. Definitly the straight one. Definitly the least likely to party all night.
I might just be compulsive.
I do like my shopping. But only in cheap stores. I am cheap!!
Is it an addiction? No. I do not think so. It is a strong preference.
White flour.
I might be addicted to that.
Likely so.
Now I have so many clients with substance abuse problems, and of all ages.
The worst addiction I can see is to Zopiclone.
A Doctor prescribes it to a listless senior who soon cannot sleep without it.
Likely not with it either but without it there is withdrawal.
92 years old and 120 pounds, a six foot two senior cannot sleep even with 2 zopiclone. The Doctor took them away and now we have a very cranky senior who isn't eating but has discovered the joys of Scotch.
He tells me that in his younger days he was a *social drinker* but he quit because after retirement he found the cost restrictive. Not that he was an "alcoholic", you understand. It was very important I understood that.
Once an addict:
OH I don't know.
Life.
What am I addicted to?
Life!
Shiny things!
Lazing about!
Chocolate!
That's just this week.
Alcohol and I do not get along but mostly because virtually everyone in my family has an alcohol problem. I cannot do street drugs without disastrous results, and that's just pot! I do take a prescription drug for my asthma and another for my brain but nothing dire. I am notorious for being the one who falls asleep at parties. Definitly the straight one. Definitly the least likely to party all night.
I might just be compulsive.
I do like my shopping. But only in cheap stores. I am cheap!!
Is it an addiction? No. I do not think so. It is a strong preference.
White flour.
I might be addicted to that.
Likely so.
Now I have so many clients with substance abuse problems, and of all ages.
The worst addiction I can see is to Zopiclone.
A Doctor prescribes it to a listless senior who soon cannot sleep without it.
Likely not with it either but without it there is withdrawal.
92 years old and 120 pounds, a six foot two senior cannot sleep even with 2 zopiclone. The Doctor took them away and now we have a very cranky senior who isn't eating but has discovered the joys of Scotch.
He tells me that in his younger days he was a *social drinker* but he quit because after retirement he found the cost restrictive. Not that he was an "alcoholic", you understand. It was very important I understood that.
Once an addict:
OH I don't know.
Life.
20.2.06
Once an addict....
Addiction and recovery.... Kansas or Oz?
Some days I believe it is Oz I have awakened into and other times I am absolutely certain I am feet on the ground in Oz. It is hard to really know. Mental health is just a catchphrase we use to typify behaviours specific to clients in the system using resources allocated to Mental Health.
There is a woman in the system who is intelligent and skilled and alcoholic.
There are thousands like her, with those traits in this area but they are not in the system. They work or not, pay their bills, or not, and live the consequences.
That last bit is not optional. The piper must be paid.
Just depends on by whom.
Mental health is a cushion for bad behaviours when necessary to fulfill the need to stave off reality. "Oh I couldn't help it, I am having trouble dealing with my.... (catchphrase au jour here)..."
Now I am not a total bitch about this. I do understand Mental Illness better than 99.9% of my peers. I see things clearly and I like to be part of solution oriented care. I do not like aiding and abetting bad behaviours. We are not to judge. We are to provide care to all without judging. Being currently human, I still catch myself judging.
There are at least 4 elderly clients being stiffed on hours who have real need.
Obviously there are dozens of times more than 4 but these 4 have active mental health issues. They are toughing it out in a heartless system.
Now to our other client.
Someone comes to clean, someone else to check in and socialise and yet there is an on-site person being paid to provide food and shelter. Government contracts.
So: off to the Lady who worries about whether anyone is going to hear her sobbing at night from fear who gets someone *once* a week for a shower while someone else takes out the other Lady for socialisation.
What is wrong with this world?
------*
I do not think I want to pay for gas or food this month, and I don't feel like working and oh dear, I think I am being oppressed because obviously I have a personality disorder at the very least and pass me a few beer so I can see if I have alcoholic tendencies... PAGING MENTAL HEALTH I NEED HELP!
Right.
And after telling me to put my big-girl panties on and deal with it...
I think I would be told to piss off.
* --------------------
17.2.06
The Last Time I saw Alice
Manipulative people are used to having it all their way, even when what they choose is clearly not the best thing for them. I would say Alice characterised this truism more than any other client I have had. She drove me crazy with her unhealthy choices and her firm desire to keep things dysphoric and dysfunctional.
It is all about choice. Her choice to live as she wished. Mine to keep or discard baggage without my name on it. I had alot of trouble honouring Alice's choices, but I did. Sometimes I was extremely unprofessional in my outbursts in the Office but it was my way of coping. Alice through the Looking Glass (darkly).
I had not seen Alice for two or three months when I was unexpectedly called to assist someone else with her. She was in bed. As always. Like a few others on our roster Alice liked her bed rather too much. Unlike others this strategy had backfired and she was no longer able to get out of bed unassisted. I pulled off her blanket and was struck by the size of her ankles. I looked closely at her and saw a definite change. From imminently palliative (for the last 5 years) to truly palliative. I must have looked concerned so she asked me what I was doing.
I made some bs thing up and we carried on.
My co-worker was trained in the same University as I was by Nursing Instructors of the same ilk as mine and we do the same things the same way without needing to talk it through. What a pleasure. We were done very quickly and Alice was definitly pleased.
"Now why can't the rest of your crew do things so well?"
(A manipulative statement but of course I agreed ;) )
"What a pleasure it is to have two such well-trained people at the same time and not be put through what I was last night."
(Another manipulative statement which I also silently agreed with.)
I read her notes and several people had documented over the last few weeks, that Alice had stated she was dying and desired no care. "Just leave me alone. AND DON"T CALL AN AMBULANCE."
As we left Alice smiled and I told her how nice it was to see that smile.
"What?"
(She did not hear me.)
I raised my voice.
"YOUR SMILE: IT IS SO NICE TO SEE YOU SMILE."
She made a face and pulled a silly grinning smile which was rather disconcerting as she resembled nothing more closely than an animated corpse.
We left the home together and at the curb I asked my co-worker what the date was.
She looked at me oddly.
I do not know what possessed me to say it to her but I did.
"This is my prediction. Alice won't be here long. I think at the very latest it will be March 15th."
She got a little aggitated and said:
"Why would you say that? What makes you think that?"
"End of life signs", I said. "Anyone else would be long gone and I cannot imagine even Alice staving off the reaper much longer."
She is, of course gone.
The absolute bitter end. That is what they call it.
But the last time I saw Alice she smiled a genuine smile and the other 999 times I saw her she was complaining or arguing or just plain laying there.
So it's not all bad!
------------ @
It is all about choice. Her choice to live as she wished. Mine to keep or discard baggage without my name on it. I had alot of trouble honouring Alice's choices, but I did. Sometimes I was extremely unprofessional in my outbursts in the Office but it was my way of coping. Alice through the Looking Glass (darkly).
I had not seen Alice for two or three months when I was unexpectedly called to assist someone else with her. She was in bed. As always. Like a few others on our roster Alice liked her bed rather too much. Unlike others this strategy had backfired and she was no longer able to get out of bed unassisted. I pulled off her blanket and was struck by the size of her ankles. I looked closely at her and saw a definite change. From imminently palliative (for the last 5 years) to truly palliative. I must have looked concerned so she asked me what I was doing.
I made some bs thing up and we carried on.
My co-worker was trained in the same University as I was by Nursing Instructors of the same ilk as mine and we do the same things the same way without needing to talk it through. What a pleasure. We were done very quickly and Alice was definitly pleased.
"Now why can't the rest of your crew do things so well?"
(A manipulative statement but of course I agreed ;) )
"What a pleasure it is to have two such well-trained people at the same time and not be put through what I was last night."
(Another manipulative statement which I also silently agreed with.)
I read her notes and several people had documented over the last few weeks, that Alice had stated she was dying and desired no care. "Just leave me alone. AND DON"T CALL AN AMBULANCE."
As we left Alice smiled and I told her how nice it was to see that smile.
"What?"
(She did not hear me.)
I raised my voice.
"YOUR SMILE: IT IS SO NICE TO SEE YOU SMILE."
She made a face and pulled a silly grinning smile which was rather disconcerting as she resembled nothing more closely than an animated corpse.
We left the home together and at the curb I asked my co-worker what the date was.
She looked at me oddly.
I do not know what possessed me to say it to her but I did.
"This is my prediction. Alice won't be here long. I think at the very latest it will be March 15th."
She got a little aggitated and said:
"Why would you say that? What makes you think that?"
"End of life signs", I said. "Anyone else would be long gone and I cannot imagine even Alice staving off the reaper much longer."
She is, of course gone.
The absolute bitter end. That is what they call it.
But the last time I saw Alice she smiled a genuine smile and the other 999 times I saw her she was complaining or arguing or just plain laying there.
So it's not all bad!
------------ @
15.2.06
Two horrors. T * W * O *
It is fortunate noone from my rl has any idea that I am a blogger.
I belong to no blog community and I expect no comments.
This blog is where I let it out. Those things that oppress me.
If I did not, I would not be able to work effectively in my chosen field.
Prior to this blog, there was another which I deleted in a fit of pique.
Prior to that blog, there were reams of notebooks which I burned also in a fit of pique. It is risky documenting truths.
Online is more permanent but really.... I never use real names only situations.
I rarely. if ever, talk about personal stuff other than the bare bones.
My friends do not feature in my blog.
Not normally at least. Today is an exception.
This was one hell of a day.
First up:
I have a friend I rarely see due to our conflicting schedules and lifestyles.
We are church friends and family friends not really what you would call personal friends. I ran into him today. I asked after his wife.
*faint*
His wife was depressed for years, perhaps decades with much pharmaceutical intervention involved. Even SSRI's did not seem to put a dent in her long slide down. He was despairing for some time now as to whether he could live the rest of his life with her. She does not work. She does not cook nor clean. She goes for holidays with him but even then its dismal. He has been wrestling with the divorce demon for a long long time. He is a Christian.
A routine eye exam showed swelling behind her eye. Her eye doctor got her a same-day appointment with a specialist in the big city. The specialist sent her for a same-day MRI. The hospital admitted her and she wound up off for surgery. BRAIN SURGERY. A ten pound tumour was removed from her right frontal lobe.
Now I had to blink a few times to get my head around that.
Ten pounds?
If they had gone on holiday as planned without that eye exam which she almost did not go to, she would be dead. The pressure was critical.
So: is life better now?
No. He is depressed. He is angry. He does not know where to turn.
She is still behaving very badly. The Healthcare team did not provide followup counselling for him or her.
I just listened in horror.
I will try to hook him up with someone.
Counsellor or Mental health or some bloody person.
It is just so sad :(
-----
So I digest that..... and it didn't go down well.... and I go to my friend's house and ask her if she wants to go coffee-ing. She gets a phonecall.
She disappears for 1/2 hour. Her daughter and I sit chatting. She returns looking stunned. We go for coffee.
Who was on the telephone?
Why Family Services of course.
Seems that her ex-husband who can't seem to pay his child support wrote them a letter telling them he felt pressured by them and was going to buy a gun.
Yes. A gun.
The saddest part of this story is that after 90 minutes of coffeeing, I still had not convinced her to go to the Police and have an active file.
He has threatened her in the past.
He was a violent husband with a volatile temper.
She got out of the marriage via a safe house although they are still not divorced ten years down the road. She is afraid to set him off.
She only wants her children to be safe. She does not seem to understand that as long as he is calling the shots they are never safe.
Oh and yes.... 2 out of 3 of them see their father regularly.
The 3rd refuses to as he has been abusive to her.
My friend thinks that now they are all teenagers things will be better.
I told her that as long as he has to pay her money, this will go on.
He has a great job and makes alot of money but he does not feel he should pay anything. He doesn't consider himself abusive. In fact he likes to tell people she is abusive. So he doesn't pay ensuring the pressure builds... and Family Maintenance Services get on his case and .....
Another circle.
The world is crazy.
I am not perfect either.
But I thank God that I am not in either of those two situations.
God help them because all I can do is listen.
I feel impotent.
And you know what? I believe my friend may end up dead.
It is a cycle this violence.
It makes me ..... feel impotent.
(sigh)
I belong to no blog community and I expect no comments.
This blog is where I let it out. Those things that oppress me.
If I did not, I would not be able to work effectively in my chosen field.
Prior to this blog, there was another which I deleted in a fit of pique.
Prior to that blog, there were reams of notebooks which I burned also in a fit of pique. It is risky documenting truths.
Online is more permanent but really.... I never use real names only situations.
I rarely. if ever, talk about personal stuff other than the bare bones.
My friends do not feature in my blog.
Not normally at least. Today is an exception.
This was one hell of a day.
First up:
I have a friend I rarely see due to our conflicting schedules and lifestyles.
We are church friends and family friends not really what you would call personal friends. I ran into him today. I asked after his wife.
*faint*
His wife was depressed for years, perhaps decades with much pharmaceutical intervention involved. Even SSRI's did not seem to put a dent in her long slide down. He was despairing for some time now as to whether he could live the rest of his life with her. She does not work. She does not cook nor clean. She goes for holidays with him but even then its dismal. He has been wrestling with the divorce demon for a long long time. He is a Christian.
A routine eye exam showed swelling behind her eye. Her eye doctor got her a same-day appointment with a specialist in the big city. The specialist sent her for a same-day MRI. The hospital admitted her and she wound up off for surgery. BRAIN SURGERY. A ten pound tumour was removed from her right frontal lobe.
Now I had to blink a few times to get my head around that.
Ten pounds?
If they had gone on holiday as planned without that eye exam which she almost did not go to, she would be dead. The pressure was critical.
So: is life better now?
No. He is depressed. He is angry. He does not know where to turn.
She is still behaving very badly. The Healthcare team did not provide followup counselling for him or her.
I just listened in horror.
I will try to hook him up with someone.
Counsellor or Mental health or some bloody person.
It is just so sad :(
-----
So I digest that..... and it didn't go down well.... and I go to my friend's house and ask her if she wants to go coffee-ing. She gets a phonecall.
She disappears for 1/2 hour. Her daughter and I sit chatting. She returns looking stunned. We go for coffee.
Who was on the telephone?
Why Family Services of course.
Seems that her ex-husband who can't seem to pay his child support wrote them a letter telling them he felt pressured by them and was going to buy a gun.
Yes. A gun.
The saddest part of this story is that after 90 minutes of coffeeing, I still had not convinced her to go to the Police and have an active file.
He has threatened her in the past.
He was a violent husband with a volatile temper.
She got out of the marriage via a safe house although they are still not divorced ten years down the road. She is afraid to set him off.
She only wants her children to be safe. She does not seem to understand that as long as he is calling the shots they are never safe.
Oh and yes.... 2 out of 3 of them see their father regularly.
The 3rd refuses to as he has been abusive to her.
My friend thinks that now they are all teenagers things will be better.
I told her that as long as he has to pay her money, this will go on.
He has a great job and makes alot of money but he does not feel he should pay anything. He doesn't consider himself abusive. In fact he likes to tell people she is abusive. So he doesn't pay ensuring the pressure builds... and Family Maintenance Services get on his case and .....
Another circle.
The world is crazy.
I am not perfect either.
But I thank God that I am not in either of those two situations.
God help them because all I can do is listen.
I feel impotent.
And you know what? I believe my friend may end up dead.
It is a cycle this violence.
It makes me ..... feel impotent.
(sigh)
14.2.06
Too good not to share *amen*
I once had a boyfriend named Doug.
Doug with a hug.
Not to be confused with Chriss with a kiss.
and Lex.... oh, nevermind!
Doug told me once that a very odd pagan he met in Vancouver, home to many and various pagans, told him that the word amuse means "no think".
At the time I thought that observation was very deep.
Now I find it very amusing.
One of the ways in which I find myself amused from the order of things, is to peruse really odd sites on this Internet of ours.
www.poee.org has some of the most amazingly amusing things in amongst the complete drekk.
Case in point:
I am not a pagan, really I am not but this was funnnny.
The First Church of reason.
Oh uh huh.
I suppose it is a baaaad thing that I do laughing at such.
But it IS funny.
I may be amused and I do concur with many of such ideas but please:
Do not send them money.
Free distribution yes.
Money, uhm no.
NO.
*amen*
Doug with a hug.
Not to be confused with Chriss with a kiss.
and Lex.... oh, nevermind!
Doug told me once that a very odd pagan he met in Vancouver, home to many and various pagans, told him that the word amuse means "no think".
At the time I thought that observation was very deep.
Now I find it very amusing.
One of the ways in which I find myself amused from the order of things, is to peruse really odd sites on this Internet of ours.
www.poee.org has some of the most amazingly amusing things in amongst the complete drekk.
Case in point:
I am not a pagan, really I am not but this was funnnny.
The First Church of reason.
Oh uh huh.
I suppose it is a baaaad thing that I do laughing at such.
But it IS funny.
I may be amused and I do concur with many of such ideas but please:
Do not send them money.
Free distribution yes.
Money, uhm no.
NO.
*amen*
Queen of Hearts
Being Valentines' Day, naturally I take cards and chocolate with me to work.
I even make sure it is sugar-free so my diabetic clients can enjoy it.
The first few times I did it, the other Nurses coming in behind me to homes were somewhat mystified.
"It's not like we are in Elementary school."
I never really tell anyone what I do for clients.
I just do it.
Cards seem to tattle all my themselves.
------- <3
Today I have all Valentine's and none.
To all the boys I've loved before: I wish you a wonderful joyous and supremely peaceful Valentine's Day and hope you are spending it with someone even more wonderful for you than I was.
A tall order but still: I am not for everyone.
I have sampled my share and more of relationships but never found a true match for me. That is not to say there isn't one in the wings that if fate allowed I wouldn't wish to share life with but: oh those pesky details, ever and anon.
I know that each man I chose to share a part of my life with had strengths and virtues I admired and embraced. I have excellent taste.
So boyos:
Have yourself a grande day.
Oh and hold the chocolates:
I ate enough for us all.
13.2.06
Cash, Cars and Karma
I hate spending big money.
I despise being in debt.
I am told I squeak a little when I walk but you know.... I only want the best deal.
Never one to scrimp on luxuries, I am the girl with the most cake.
With it all over my face, likely.
One day when I was shopping, a woman came along with the exact item I had been looking for. I said to her, "Oooooh! That's absolutely wonderful. Wish I had seen it first!" And I winked at her.
The sales woman glared a little at me and said: "Well you know you can't have it all."
What a thing to say. Of course I had a reply.
I looked her squarely in the eye and said loudly:
"Yes you sure can! You CAN have it all!"
I am sure she thought me greedy but what I meant to convey is that there is nothing wrong with having high expectations of your efforts and pursuits; even shopping, as long as you are realistic about your budget. I shop thriftily so of course I can have it all.
And I do.
But cars.... oh how I hate spending money on cars.
I require one for my job so $1200 a year goes in insurance.
Gas for me is about $75 a week.
That is already alot of money. And then there is the maintenance.
My car was an import and it broke down one time too often.
Each time is was $800 or $1300 and I was getting mightily annoyed.
The last time it broke down I parked it. Done.
When I found my next car it was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful and way out of my price range. Never one to let a little thing like asking price deter me, I took it for a test drive. The salesman called after me: "You can't afford it."
I took it out for a spin anyway.
Now I was clever enough to take my Father with me. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Naturally he supported me in my ideals of attaining the best. This support was not financial however so he was more of a cheerleader than anything else. Until.....
We got out of the car and the Salesman who was also the dealership manager said to me: "I am glad you had the opportunity to test-drive it but I am telling you, the price-range you gave me is nowhere near my best price on that car. It's loaded and has low mileage. I can't let it go for under ____$."
----> enter my Father <-----
Dad looked the salesman up and down and said: "I know you from before."
The Salesman shook his head. "No, you don't."
Dad extended his hand and said: "My name is ______, you sold me a few cars."
The man looked shocked.
"That's right I did. I remember you!"
I got the car for the price I wanted.
The man had made alot of money off the sales to my Father.
He told me he sold me the car for cost.
I don't believe it completely, but .....
The sticker price was $19,999 + taxes
I got it for $13,000 + gst only.
Thanks Dad!
Karma.
:)
I despise being in debt.
I am told I squeak a little when I walk but you know.... I only want the best deal.
Never one to scrimp on luxuries, I am the girl with the most cake.
With it all over my face, likely.
One day when I was shopping, a woman came along with the exact item I had been looking for. I said to her, "Oooooh! That's absolutely wonderful. Wish I had seen it first!" And I winked at her.
The sales woman glared a little at me and said: "Well you know you can't have it all."
What a thing to say. Of course I had a reply.
I looked her squarely in the eye and said loudly:
"Yes you sure can! You CAN have it all!"
I am sure she thought me greedy but what I meant to convey is that there is nothing wrong with having high expectations of your efforts and pursuits; even shopping, as long as you are realistic about your budget. I shop thriftily so of course I can have it all.
And I do.
But cars.... oh how I hate spending money on cars.
I require one for my job so $1200 a year goes in insurance.
Gas for me is about $75 a week.
That is already alot of money. And then there is the maintenance.
My car was an import and it broke down one time too often.
Each time is was $800 or $1300 and I was getting mightily annoyed.
The last time it broke down I parked it. Done.
When I found my next car it was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful and way out of my price range. Never one to let a little thing like asking price deter me, I took it for a test drive. The salesman called after me: "You can't afford it."
I took it out for a spin anyway.
Now I was clever enough to take my Father with me. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Naturally he supported me in my ideals of attaining the best. This support was not financial however so he was more of a cheerleader than anything else. Until.....
We got out of the car and the Salesman who was also the dealership manager said to me: "I am glad you had the opportunity to test-drive it but I am telling you, the price-range you gave me is nowhere near my best price on that car. It's loaded and has low mileage. I can't let it go for under ____$."
----> enter my Father <-----
Dad looked the salesman up and down and said: "I know you from before."
The Salesman shook his head. "No, you don't."
Dad extended his hand and said: "My name is ______, you sold me a few cars."
The man looked shocked.
"That's right I did. I remember you!"
I got the car for the price I wanted.
The man had made alot of money off the sales to my Father.
He told me he sold me the car for cost.
I don't believe it completely, but .....
The sticker price was $19,999 + taxes
I got it for $13,000 + gst only.
Thanks Dad!
Karma.
:)
12.2.06
Cancellation
Those who never leap out in faith, never soar the skies like eagles.
Ok.
They never crash and burn either.
So, having leapt out in faith and belief, now I am stuck tangled in branches.
Alot of plans to cancel.
Alot of needless days taken in vacation time that cannot be changed.
More than a few family members coming from afar to see what the big deal is.
And one special family member who is completely dashed on the rocks.
I don't know.
Perhaps I am just jinxed.
*-=-=* I will now tell you a great truth.-=-=-*
(cue music)
When you step out from lofty heights, falling and flying are indistinguishable from one another.
** ---------- **
Saw old feisty today again as I was visiting in Facility.
I heard her before I saw her.
There was a minor commotion in the hall outside the room where I was.
Alot of colourful language and truly amazing usages of blue words.
I went out into the hall and there she was in her 93 yr old-ness cornering another woman of similar age. They were both in wheelchairs along this 5 foot wide hall and naturally old feisty had the other woman pinned to the wall.
I laughed and wheeled her out of harm's way to a long spew of interesting words.
I gave her a hug and told her to leave the poor older ladies alone.
"Ladies? You mean that &%$@$#!!! witch?"
I said a cheery goodbye and as always she gave me a wonderful smile and say her farewell.
Frontal lobe damage I am sure. She means well. She just.... can't be civil.
hee hee
I know it's not funny really. But she does make me laugh.
I am so very glad she is in facility and not in community where she terrorised us!
Even playing field now.
* --------
Ok.
They never crash and burn either.
So, having leapt out in faith and belief, now I am stuck tangled in branches.
Alot of plans to cancel.
Alot of needless days taken in vacation time that cannot be changed.
More than a few family members coming from afar to see what the big deal is.
And one special family member who is completely dashed on the rocks.
I don't know.
Perhaps I am just jinxed.
*-=-=* I will now tell you a great truth.-=-=-*
(cue music)
When you step out from lofty heights, falling and flying are indistinguishable from one another.
** ---------- **
Saw old feisty today again as I was visiting in Facility.
I heard her before I saw her.
There was a minor commotion in the hall outside the room where I was.
Alot of colourful language and truly amazing usages of blue words.
I went out into the hall and there she was in her 93 yr old-ness cornering another woman of similar age. They were both in wheelchairs along this 5 foot wide hall and naturally old feisty had the other woman pinned to the wall.
I laughed and wheeled her out of harm's way to a long spew of interesting words.
I gave her a hug and told her to leave the poor older ladies alone.
"Ladies? You mean that &%$@$#!!! witch?"
I said a cheery goodbye and as always she gave me a wonderful smile and say her farewell.
Frontal lobe damage I am sure. She means well. She just.... can't be civil.
hee hee
I know it's not funny really. But she does make me laugh.
I am so very glad she is in facility and not in community where she terrorised us!
Even playing field now.
* --------
10.2.06
Falling for you
Oh brother!
Sure I trip over the obvious... and walk into the equally obvious but today I did a new one: I fell off a stool!
I am not sure how it happened. One moment I was sitting on a stool/deskchair and the next I was trying to figure out how to get up without hurting myself more.
I think I dislocated my shoulder (phht) but the chiropractor will take care of that.
I have the equalivilant of rope-burn across my legs where the chair slapped down on them.
Then everything landed on me.
Could have been my head I suppose.
grrrr
----------------------- ( *
Sure I trip over the obvious... and walk into the equally obvious but today I did a new one: I fell off a stool!
I am not sure how it happened. One moment I was sitting on a stool/deskchair and the next I was trying to figure out how to get up without hurting myself more.
I think I dislocated my shoulder (phht) but the chiropractor will take care of that.
I have the equalivilant of rope-burn across my legs where the chair slapped down on them.
Then everything landed on me.
Could have been my head I suppose.
grrrr
----------------------- ( *
9.2.06
"Give us this day..."
Martha is one of my bath girls. She is 93 this year and enjoys telling me all about her granddaughters. Actually they are her great-granddaughter's daughters but who is quibbling! hee hee
Her favourite story is about little Suzette.
Little Suzette was reciting the Lord's Prayer for Nana Martha.
She does this with her elder sister Carla.
Carla was taking the lead with her less hesitant lines and superior confidence.
Never one to be outdone Suzette added an addendum:
"Give us this day our daily bread"
"AND COOKIES TOO!" ... said Suzette loudly!
------------- *
Her favourite story is about little Suzette.
Little Suzette was reciting the Lord's Prayer for Nana Martha.
She does this with her elder sister Carla.
Carla was taking the lead with her less hesitant lines and superior confidence.
Never one to be outdone Suzette added an addendum:
"Give us this day our daily bread"
"AND COOKIES TOO!" ... said Suzette loudly!
------------- *
8.2.06
A New Day!
More changes and a fresh new day which I naturally awakened to refreshed and happy!
Ah to be me in the mornings!
If only I could be the same me in the evenings!
A totally new Wednesday for me with totally new clients.
Somehow Scheduling screwed up and stocked me with 3 smokers. These clients do not smoke while I am there but the homes are just completely saturated with smoke. It makes me sneeze and cough. I managed to get through it but I will not do it again.
The rhinestone cowgirl was on my list today.
She is one cool old broad. Those rhinestones have likely been around her neck for 25 years. I love that! She did not balk at all and after minimal coaxing we accomplished our task.
I was listening to her remininse about her friends and family.
It occured to me that I probably know more about her than I know about my own Aunts.
All the BIG THINGS; all the intimate details she hoardes in her heart and takes out to shine up. Those are the things I know.
-------- +
Saw my feisty sassy old client in a Nursing Home. I stopped in to say hello.
She remembered my voice and after I said her name and a hello she turned and looked right at me, then said:
"Goddamnit it's you. Howthehell are ya?" With a big smile.
I love those olde broads.
+ --------------
Ah to be me in the mornings!
If only I could be the same me in the evenings!
A totally new Wednesday for me with totally new clients.
Somehow Scheduling screwed up and stocked me with 3 smokers. These clients do not smoke while I am there but the homes are just completely saturated with smoke. It makes me sneeze and cough. I managed to get through it but I will not do it again.
The rhinestone cowgirl was on my list today.
She is one cool old broad. Those rhinestones have likely been around her neck for 25 years. I love that! She did not balk at all and after minimal coaxing we accomplished our task.
I was listening to her remininse about her friends and family.
It occured to me that I probably know more about her than I know about my own Aunts.
All the BIG THINGS; all the intimate details she hoardes in her heart and takes out to shine up. Those are the things I know.
-------- +
Saw my feisty sassy old client in a Nursing Home. I stopped in to say hello.
She remembered my voice and after I said her name and a hello she turned and looked right at me, then said:
"Goddamnit it's you. Howthehell are ya?" With a big smile.
I love those olde broads.
+ --------------
7.2.06
Self Control (freaks)
It takes alot of self control not to blow up at control freaks.
A control freak never stops to think perhaps you might want to finish your own sentence or thought and even more amazing, it might be a valid notion, worthy of contemplation.
Controllers bark out the orders, dismiss or negate your input and generally make life less pleasant.
bah
* -----------
One week til Valentine(less) day.
My plans appear to .....
(insert *poof* here)
------- *
And sadly, she logs off and goes to bed.
Feeling unappreciated, redundant and valentine-less.
X ------------------ X
Tomorrow will dawn with or without me.
And life will go on.
And I will be delightfully happy in the morning as always.
You know that scene in "A Christmas Carol" the original version with Alastair Sim in the Scrooge role? The one where he wakes up to realise he is still alive and has the chance to make his life better and promptly does a cartwheel in front of his astonished housekeeper? That's me every morning.
I love waking up to a new day.
I love the idea that God has granted me more time.
I love being alive.
I wish I had been alive earlier on in my life but a cruel blow to the head dictated otherwise.
Still we have the now.
And that is all we ever have.
Live til you die.
x --------------------- !
Deliverance
Give me deliverance.
"Let me sleep awhile and dream of Avalon and the Beltane fires
And a silent kiss steals away into the mist and out to the lake
Where the sword will rise again from the water into the
Hands of the chosen one the righteous one
Forever and again "
Oh yeah I was a Goth long before they called it Goth.
My sister used to say "youre in your room reading your death poetry and wearing black" but it really meant Goth. I loved the Mission.
Yes yes I know I am turning my blog into a long love letter to bands from the 80s but yeah... it was good. It was so good.
I like those deep voiced vocalists.
I like those D & D type references. Avalon. All that stuff.
It's genetically coded.
Glam rock goth rock punk rock... I cycled through the phases rapidly.
New age new wave been there done that got the pictures.
Deliverance.
I found it long ago.
But today it found me!
I was re-routed yet again.
I was out in the nether reaches of our area. waaaaaay out to the farthest client we service. Just a coincidence but,.... yeah. It was my turn. After I finished my little task I decided to drive down the road to the end to see the Lake. It says there is a Lake on the sign and I have never been to this particular Lake. The road abruptly ended and there was a large pond on my left. On my right there were 4 guys in gumboots and ballcaps waving at me. I was wearing pink today very femme.
I waved back and all I could think of was "deliverance" ala Burt Reynolds et all.
Egad... turned around and left slowly and carefully.
Note to self...
Keep Avalon in my mind.
No more little excursions to deliverance.
Beautiful but remote.
(!!)
---------------- *
"Let me sleep awhile and dream of Avalon and the Beltane fires
And a silent kiss steals away into the mist and out to the lake
Where the sword will rise again from the water into the
Hands of the chosen one the righteous one
Forever and again "
Oh yeah I was a Goth long before they called it Goth.
My sister used to say "youre in your room reading your death poetry and wearing black" but it really meant Goth. I loved the Mission.
Yes yes I know I am turning my blog into a long love letter to bands from the 80s but yeah... it was good. It was so good.
I like those deep voiced vocalists.
I like those D & D type references. Avalon. All that stuff.
It's genetically coded.
Glam rock goth rock punk rock... I cycled through the phases rapidly.
New age new wave been there done that got the pictures.
Deliverance.
I found it long ago.
But today it found me!
I was re-routed yet again.
I was out in the nether reaches of our area. waaaaaay out to the farthest client we service. Just a coincidence but,.... yeah. It was my turn. After I finished my little task I decided to drive down the road to the end to see the Lake. It says there is a Lake on the sign and I have never been to this particular Lake. The road abruptly ended and there was a large pond on my left. On my right there were 4 guys in gumboots and ballcaps waving at me. I was wearing pink today very femme.
I waved back and all I could think of was "deliverance" ala Burt Reynolds et all.
Egad... turned around and left slowly and carefully.
Note to self...
Keep Avalon in my mind.
No more little excursions to deliverance.
Beautiful but remote.
(!!)
---------------- *
Chill the wine and pass the daisies
*pluck*
He loves me
*pluck*
He loves me not
*pluck*
he loves me
*pluck
..... ?
He loves me
*pluck*
He loves me not
*pluck*
he loves me
*pluck
..... ?
6.2.06
Those boys in their 50s
What is it about boys and their mamas?
Some boys never leave home.
Some boys come back home and stay home.
And some....
In my job we meet alot of family members.
This is normal considering we are entering into client's homes.
In this area many of those clients are widows well into their 80's or 90's.
Surprisingly many of them come complete with single never-married bachelor boy sons.
Some of them are obviously never going to marry, and some of them are just sad sorry messes of neuroses, but some.... some just defy description.
Early in the week and already I have seen some incredibly bizarre behaviours.
I have a wonderfully eccentric lady on my list who is so delightful.
And peculiar. Like me. But 50 years later.
I remembered her well the moment I entered the apartment.
She had surrounded herself with the most interesting books and tapestries and carpets and always was msot engaging verbally. She did not remember me until we began to discuss her tapestry, and she commented that the only other person who had known how to date them was.... oh "it was YOU!" She was very pleased.
I think I was there years ago to change her dressings or check on a recent surgery.
I am not working in that scope now. I am just there to be present while she showers.
I am not there to bully her into a shower, nor to drag her kicking and screaming...
I am there to assist her if she will allow it. It is her choice.
She plays this waiting game to suss out who the person is.
If you pass the test she showers. If not, she doesn't.
I already knew she would shower. I also knew she was having a great time talking to me and that likely it would be another half hour before she would want to get up.
Enter the Son.
"Mother you told me you do not wish to be a burden. Well you're being a burden now."
What a jerk!
"Don't worry," I said, "She will shower."
"YOU don't seem to understand that you are probably the fifth or sixth person that is witness to her behaviour and you'll talk the hour away and then you'll go and she won't shower."
"She will shower, please don't worry. We are just having a chat first."
He looked me up and down and told me imperiously that "the rule is: shower first, chat later."
His mom looked at him and said: "I love you dear but I don't have to do what you say."
Remember: this is HER house. He is the one who moved in.
He left and re-entered more than a few times.
He slammed the doors and haroomphed and went in the second bedroom and out the back door... and so on. There is a fire exit out the back with outside stairs to the car-park. He kept going in and out and giving us both the evil eye.
I did not care for him at all.
Not even a little bit.
She did shower, but even then, he came back in during the shower and shouted at her through the door saying it was hardly sufficient.
I was not sorry to leave him. Felt sorry for her though.
Then... today...
One of my girls told me that she was at a client's home in beautiful downtown chi-chi area of our town, and there was a strange sound out the window.
The client lives in a very desirable area of town in a gorgeous three storey walk-up.
She lives on the second floor. The sound was coming from above. As there has been alot of rain this week and wind, the girl was afraid the roof had failed or a pipe had burst or some such thing. She located the source of the sound and it was OUTside. Coming from above.
The son of client #1 was pissing out the window.....
okay that's just plain weird.
-------*
Some boys never leave home.
Some boys come back home and stay home.
And some....
In my job we meet alot of family members.
This is normal considering we are entering into client's homes.
In this area many of those clients are widows well into their 80's or 90's.
Surprisingly many of them come complete with single never-married bachelor boy sons.
Some of them are obviously never going to marry, and some of them are just sad sorry messes of neuroses, but some.... some just defy description.
Early in the week and already I have seen some incredibly bizarre behaviours.
I have a wonderfully eccentric lady on my list who is so delightful.
And peculiar. Like me. But 50 years later.
I remembered her well the moment I entered the apartment.
She had surrounded herself with the most interesting books and tapestries and carpets and always was msot engaging verbally. She did not remember me until we began to discuss her tapestry, and she commented that the only other person who had known how to date them was.... oh "it was YOU!" She was very pleased.
I think I was there years ago to change her dressings or check on a recent surgery.
I am not working in that scope now. I am just there to be present while she showers.
I am not there to bully her into a shower, nor to drag her kicking and screaming...
I am there to assist her if she will allow it. It is her choice.
She plays this waiting game to suss out who the person is.
If you pass the test she showers. If not, she doesn't.
I already knew she would shower. I also knew she was having a great time talking to me and that likely it would be another half hour before she would want to get up.
Enter the Son.
"Mother you told me you do not wish to be a burden. Well you're being a burden now."
What a jerk!
"Don't worry," I said, "She will shower."
"YOU don't seem to understand that you are probably the fifth or sixth person that is witness to her behaviour and you'll talk the hour away and then you'll go and she won't shower."
"She will shower, please don't worry. We are just having a chat first."
He looked me up and down and told me imperiously that "the rule is: shower first, chat later."
His mom looked at him and said: "I love you dear but I don't have to do what you say."
Remember: this is HER house. He is the one who moved in.
He left and re-entered more than a few times.
He slammed the doors and haroomphed and went in the second bedroom and out the back door... and so on. There is a fire exit out the back with outside stairs to the car-park. He kept going in and out and giving us both the evil eye.
I did not care for him at all.
Not even a little bit.
She did shower, but even then, he came back in during the shower and shouted at her through the door saying it was hardly sufficient.
I was not sorry to leave him. Felt sorry for her though.
Then... today...
One of my girls told me that she was at a client's home in beautiful downtown chi-chi area of our town, and there was a strange sound out the window.
The client lives in a very desirable area of town in a gorgeous three storey walk-up.
She lives on the second floor. The sound was coming from above. As there has been alot of rain this week and wind, the girl was afraid the roof had failed or a pipe had burst or some such thing. She located the source of the sound and it was OUTside. Coming from above.
The son of client #1 was pissing out the window.....
okay that's just plain weird.
-------*
5.2.06
Private Observations
One of the many men I know, who are in the care-giver to an elderly mother category, kept his Mom home with much help until her 80th birthday. I told him to be very sure he wanted her placed in a Facility as she met every criteria and would be fast-tracked. His other care-giver advised him that wait-lists take forever and that he should get her on the list in February anticipating a summer placement.
She was in the Facility within 2 weeks.
The other caregiver continues to work privately for this man as a companion to her mother. She does a few shifts a week in the Facility doing none of the personal care but taking the client on outings and such. The two of them go swimming with another aide sometimes. I have not worked for this man since the day the other care-giver asked me if I thought she had lost her objectivity. Everyone knows better than to ask me a question when you are looking for a lie in response.
Today I filled in for one of her shifts, a very short shift.
He, not she, called me to ask. Mom is happy and healthy but no longer speaking understandably if at all, and keeps her eyes closed for much of the day.
The Son just wants the very best for his mother. He just wants to know that she has more than standard care. He wants to think she is getting the very best.
Just like the last time I saw this woman, the first thing I did after greeting her and hugging her etc was to discreetly check behind her ears. I have this philosophy of care that I use to gauge the level of Facility and/or Private care. When clients are being bathed properly on an ongoing basis their skin does not jam the folds behind their ears and their necks do not have hard skin buildup. Alot of places use the bathing room as a conveyor belt style bath machine. One in, one out. repeat....
*buzz*
This is the swankiest of the Facilities in this area.
It failed my test.
Not by a little, not a small flake of something, nope.
This was all the ear behind, 1/4" of thick crusted dirt.
Me, the underpaid second-string player comes in to relieve the heavy hitting high priced talent and does the basic face wash. Just like my Grama used to tell me: don't forget to wash behind your ears!
Oh I tell you, it's rocket science some days.
----blah!
* -------------
She was in the Facility within 2 weeks.
The other caregiver continues to work privately for this man as a companion to her mother. She does a few shifts a week in the Facility doing none of the personal care but taking the client on outings and such. The two of them go swimming with another aide sometimes. I have not worked for this man since the day the other care-giver asked me if I thought she had lost her objectivity. Everyone knows better than to ask me a question when you are looking for a lie in response.
Today I filled in for one of her shifts, a very short shift.
He, not she, called me to ask. Mom is happy and healthy but no longer speaking understandably if at all, and keeps her eyes closed for much of the day.
The Son just wants the very best for his mother. He just wants to know that she has more than standard care. He wants to think she is getting the very best.
Just like the last time I saw this woman, the first thing I did after greeting her and hugging her etc was to discreetly check behind her ears. I have this philosophy of care that I use to gauge the level of Facility and/or Private care. When clients are being bathed properly on an ongoing basis their skin does not jam the folds behind their ears and their necks do not have hard skin buildup. Alot of places use the bathing room as a conveyor belt style bath machine. One in, one out. repeat....
*buzz*
This is the swankiest of the Facilities in this area.
It failed my test.
Not by a little, not a small flake of something, nope.
This was all the ear behind, 1/4" of thick crusted dirt.
Me, the underpaid second-string player comes in to relieve the heavy hitting high priced talent and does the basic face wash. Just like my Grama used to tell me: don't forget to wash behind your ears!
Oh I tell you, it's rocket science some days.
----blah!
* -------------
3.2.06
Big Winds, little plans * * *
Another windstorm is set to assault paradise.
I hope we keep our hydro this time.
---*
(pass the blankie...)
I hope we keep our hydro this time.
---*
(pass the blankie...)
--- Euphemisms
Oh dear oh dear, what a state I find myself in.
And no, not Kansas.
Sitting with a very proper very elderly Lady, who does not want to bathe or shower with assistance THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! We brought in a bathchair thinking it would help alleviate her concerns that she might fall in the shower. She likes the bench but does not wish to use it during a worker visit.
Perhaps one month ago, possibly more, I managed to assist her to dress only because her children were there and insisting she take help. On sufference I was able to be of some help and during this time it was unmistakeable how little she washes. Elderly people can experience a diminishment of their sense of smell and really not know they might possibly not be the freshest. The trick is telling them without mortally offending them. I opted to put it in the client notes but I struggled for a euphemism as this book stays in the client home. I was polite in my comment but the gentle word for *smells very strongly* would not come to mind. Naturally this came back to bite me.
Today as she spoke and I tried valiantly and vainly to get her to bathe while I was there for safety reasons, she just kept repeating no no and no she is too tired, it's too early, she isn't in the mood... etc. Next thing I know she is telling me this long convoluted story about these upstart people who just write things for devilment. "All lies", she said, "Lies!"
I had a baaaad feeling.
"You know what someone wrote in there? They wrote that I had an oderous smell "down below" do you know that? What a horrible thing to write about someone. They just do it to make trouble you know."
Okay so it was an unfortunate euphemism.
She smelled really bad but I think she just didnt change her garments nor wash.
My concern was infection of the bladder but it was just plain suspect hygiene.
Next time... well hmm. There won't be a next time.
I am going to invent a catch-phrase for this.
Something like: "Client has a definite silk and satin."
Or something equally obtuse.
What is cockney for stink?
Bottle and ink?
Kitchen sink?
Out on the link?
bah
btw---I ripped that page of the notes out and took it with me.
All she can read about now is how lovely a chat we all have with her and how she wont bathe that day thanks so much!
Jingle Bells... smells!
Fid fad ... Bad!
And no, not Kansas.
Sitting with a very proper very elderly Lady, who does not want to bathe or shower with assistance THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! We brought in a bathchair thinking it would help alleviate her concerns that she might fall in the shower. She likes the bench but does not wish to use it during a worker visit.
Perhaps one month ago, possibly more, I managed to assist her to dress only because her children were there and insisting she take help. On sufference I was able to be of some help and during this time it was unmistakeable how little she washes. Elderly people can experience a diminishment of their sense of smell and really not know they might possibly not be the freshest. The trick is telling them without mortally offending them. I opted to put it in the client notes but I struggled for a euphemism as this book stays in the client home. I was polite in my comment but the gentle word for *smells very strongly* would not come to mind. Naturally this came back to bite me.
Today as she spoke and I tried valiantly and vainly to get her to bathe while I was there for safety reasons, she just kept repeating no no and no she is too tired, it's too early, she isn't in the mood... etc. Next thing I know she is telling me this long convoluted story about these upstart people who just write things for devilment. "All lies", she said, "Lies!"
I had a baaaad feeling.
"You know what someone wrote in there? They wrote that I had an oderous smell "down below" do you know that? What a horrible thing to write about someone. They just do it to make trouble you know."
Okay so it was an unfortunate euphemism.
She smelled really bad but I think she just didnt change her garments nor wash.
My concern was infection of the bladder but it was just plain suspect hygiene.
Next time... well hmm. There won't be a next time.
I am going to invent a catch-phrase for this.
Something like: "Client has a definite silk and satin."
Or something equally obtuse.
What is cockney for stink?
Bottle and ink?
Kitchen sink?
Out on the link?
bah
btw---I ripped that page of the notes out and took it with me.
All she can read about now is how lovely a chat we all have with her and how she wont bathe that day thanks so much!
Jingle Bells... smells!
Fid fad ... Bad!
2.2.06
There are worse things....
Just when you want to look your best---
Just when those years could use some rolling back...
Just when you finally succumb to your inner cravings to get out there and DATE or at the least have coffee with someone you crush on....
dum-dum-dum
Prednizone.
There are worse things.
Death, being one.
Still: HOW ANNOYING!
I look like the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Vanity vanity, all is vanity.
Just when those years could use some rolling back...
Just when you finally succumb to your inner cravings to get out there and DATE or at the least have coffee with someone you crush on....
dum-dum-dum
Prednizone.
There are worse things.
Death, being one.
Still: HOW ANNOYING!
I look like the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Vanity vanity, all is vanity.
Breathing
Struggling to catch your breath is a bitch.
It's my bitch.
Not even one week into the new year the germ au jour caught me.
Sneezing coughin and headie-aching-=-- not suitable for work.
A few dozen remedies later and some few days I could work but with almost no stamina.
My rescue puffer was on duty 4 to 6 times a day every day.
What can you do when you live in a climate your body will not adjust to?
I thought I was better until I laughed today.
I laugh alot. I am a happy amused person.
But this laugh was almost fatal.
What do you do when your life is one place your body can't manage?
I have a home, a life, family a job I adore.
What can I do?
-----*
It's my bitch.
Not even one week into the new year the germ au jour caught me.
Sneezing coughin and headie-aching-=-- not suitable for work.
A few dozen remedies later and some few days I could work but with almost no stamina.
My rescue puffer was on duty 4 to 6 times a day every day.
What can you do when you live in a climate your body will not adjust to?
I thought I was better until I laughed today.
I laugh alot. I am a happy amused person.
But this laugh was almost fatal.
What do you do when your life is one place your body can't manage?
I have a home, a life, family a job I adore.
What can I do?
-----*
1.2.06
The Blessed Rain
The last month(s) have been decidedly rain forest weather.
Of course we of the wet and wild west coast realise rain to be an inevitable fact of our existance but every now and then we so enjoy a few hours of sunshine.
This winter has been composed of months on end with record darkness. No sunshine.
---bah
This last week we had the winds.
Storm after storm assailed the South Island (and mid too) resulting in trees down everywhere and power outages not to mention ferries that stayed in the dock.
Oh its a wild one.
Tonight I am sitting in my cozy home so very thankful not to be working an evening shift. So very very thankful.
Bless the rain.
Of course we of the wet and wild west coast realise rain to be an inevitable fact of our existance but every now and then we so enjoy a few hours of sunshine.
This winter has been composed of months on end with record darkness. No sunshine.
---bah
This last week we had the winds.
Storm after storm assailed the South Island (and mid too) resulting in trees down everywhere and power outages not to mention ferries that stayed in the dock.
Oh its a wild one.
Tonight I am sitting in my cozy home so very thankful not to be working an evening shift. So very very thankful.
Bless the rain.
31.1.06
"What does that mean? I am palliative?"
"Kaeb, they tell me I am palliative. What does that mean? I am palliative?"
I find these sorts of conversations difficult.
Why don't the Doctors and Social Workers and Hospice personnel get these things done before I come in. I do not mind so much as it hurts me to think a person has to ask their Nursing staff something they should know.
Do you know what I answer to that question?
I say:
"It means you are human, we are all palliative."
--- *
I find these sorts of conversations difficult.
Why don't the Doctors and Social Workers and Hospice personnel get these things done before I come in. I do not mind so much as it hurts me to think a person has to ask their Nursing staff something they should know.
Do you know what I answer to that question?
I say:
"It means you are human, we are all palliative."
--- *
29.1.06
Terminal Sedation Fails
Having an opinion is my right.
Expressing it on the job is not.
Free will and Doctor's orders supercede my right to say what is on my mind.
I had the unpleasant task of visiting a home where sedation was reaching the terminal stage. It is a long very long death process. Perhaps this person will not die handily in weeks or months, but they are indeed on that short road.
The client and the family are pleasant. The situation is not.
I left the home wondering why the Nurses notes insisted he was dying imminently.
That is not what I saw.
The next visit I had a call to warn me like a head's up that my client was at death's door.
They are??? I asked incredulously.
What had happened there to push the client from stable decline to tenuous grasp on life? What indeed.
I entered and was rather surprised to see how pale and hot the client was.
Morphine tends to do that in high dosages.
I am not the Doctor. What do I know?
I took a good look at the client's skin and nails... everything was the same as the prior visit. Just the sedation was increased dramatically. Naturally there had been no fluid intake nor food for 2 days. Still, the client looked medicated beyond an appropriate level but not at death's door unless dehydration and starvation opened it and pushed from behind.
Leaving the home I was struggling with my thoughts.
These are competant intelligent people with educated family members.
It is not my call.
I entered the home again this week.
The family looked happier. The client was awake and aware and eating an egg.
"We cut out the extra medications. We decided it was going to result in a tragedy."
Thank God.
Thank God.
Thank GOD!!!!
Perhaps the client has a year, perhaps a month...
but at least the client will go when God calls.
And not before.
------*
Expressing it on the job is not.
Free will and Doctor's orders supercede my right to say what is on my mind.
I had the unpleasant task of visiting a home where sedation was reaching the terminal stage. It is a long very long death process. Perhaps this person will not die handily in weeks or months, but they are indeed on that short road.
The client and the family are pleasant. The situation is not.
I left the home wondering why the Nurses notes insisted he was dying imminently.
That is not what I saw.
The next visit I had a call to warn me like a head's up that my client was at death's door.
They are??? I asked incredulously.
What had happened there to push the client from stable decline to tenuous grasp on life? What indeed.
I entered and was rather surprised to see how pale and hot the client was.
Morphine tends to do that in high dosages.
I am not the Doctor. What do I know?
I took a good look at the client's skin and nails... everything was the same as the prior visit. Just the sedation was increased dramatically. Naturally there had been no fluid intake nor food for 2 days. Still, the client looked medicated beyond an appropriate level but not at death's door unless dehydration and starvation opened it and pushed from behind.
Leaving the home I was struggling with my thoughts.
These are competant intelligent people with educated family members.
It is not my call.
I entered the home again this week.
The family looked happier. The client was awake and aware and eating an egg.
"We cut out the extra medications. We decided it was going to result in a tragedy."
Thank God.
Thank God.
Thank GOD!!!!
Perhaps the client has a year, perhaps a month...
but at least the client will go when God calls.
And not before.
------*
Quandry
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
After a strange conversation largely featuring feelings and emotions not concerning me at all, I am perplexed as to why.....
Is it not in my lot to have people tell me the whole truths?
Perhaps not.
Some people have the capacity to hurt you deeply because you trust them implicitly.
I conclude I should not trust anyone.
* ----------
Fool me twice, shame on me.
After a strange conversation largely featuring feelings and emotions not concerning me at all, I am perplexed as to why.....
Is it not in my lot to have people tell me the whole truths?
Perhaps not.
Some people have the capacity to hurt you deeply because you trust them implicitly.
I conclude I should not trust anyone.
* ----------
25.1.06
Dumplings
Nursing? Who does Nursing?
Let's make dumplings!
I did just that today in the home of my dear client, the gourmet cook.
She was struggling to make a soup but only because she could not stand at the stove for long, and sitting she could not reach the pots. Enter Kaeb!
Melt some butter, some whole lotta butter (1/2 cup or so) and then add about 1 to 1/4 cups white flour. Once it starts to look like dough add some boiling water to the desired consistency, and 1 tsp salt and sugar each. Form into tbspn sized balls and drop into boiling water. Cook for 5 minutes. Remove with slotted spoon and drop into cold water to set. Add to soup as desired.
Damn it was good!
mmmm!!
------ *
Let's make dumplings!
I did just that today in the home of my dear client, the gourmet cook.
She was struggling to make a soup but only because she could not stand at the stove for long, and sitting she could not reach the pots. Enter Kaeb!
Melt some butter, some whole lotta butter (1/2 cup or so) and then add about 1 to 1/4 cups white flour. Once it starts to look like dough add some boiling water to the desired consistency, and 1 tsp salt and sugar each. Form into tbspn sized balls and drop into boiling water. Cook for 5 minutes. Remove with slotted spoon and drop into cold water to set. Add to soup as desired.
Damn it was good!
mmmm!!
------ *
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