I began my rant on Terminal Sedation intending to address a remark I heard on one of the American news channels by someone proporting to be in the camp of the parents of the unfortunate woman who is in that coma.
This gentleman said to the camera very UNgently:
"We think there is a real danger she (the woman in coma) will be helped along by an overdose of morphine. We understand that is common practise in these cases. To kill people."

How awful to take such a sensitive topic and skewer it in the mainstream media purposely leaving the impression Hospices KILL people.

Is it normal and natural to extend peoples lives far far beyond their natural capacity to live?
Is it moral to allow someone who has been thus extended to live in pain they were never naturally intended to experience?
I don't know what is happening in this world. Everyone wants someone else to PAY for any perceived wrongs and injustices visited on them and/or their families. Or people from their church. Or their religion.

Why don't they direct their energies to help the untold millions, indeed hundreds of millions who could benefit from such media exposure.

bah humbug!

Terminal sedation as insult

Sometimes the televisions of my clients are on and blaring.
Sometimes I hear things I have no desire to.
Television is one of those pervasive things that I believe the Historians of the future, (should there be one), will weigh in on heavily and to the negative. So much input and so little content.
BAH Television!

Over the last few weeks the media has been full of a case in the United States where a brain-damaged woman in a coma is being fought over. One the one side her husband (a man who has clearly moved on in his life) wishes life-support to cease and the normal course of a life to wind down. Of course this is no normal life following no normal course. This is a man who has a girlfriend and 2 children by the new woman. He has the appearance of poor motives. He wants his wife's life to cease being sustained artificially.

On the other side her parents are fighting to wringe every drop of life out of their daughter.
They have hard feelings towards this man and wish him to sign custody of the woman back to them so that they can care for her. Caring for her means a feeding tube as well as other artifical means of keeping her alive. The parents feel very strongly that their daughter's being allowed to die is murder.

Horrible things are being said and motives assigned to and by otherwise quite reasonable people over a woman who stopped being able to live unassisted 15 years ago.

The parents and their supporters engage people who rant into the television cameras about those who would KILL their daughter. I understand the need to be involved with your child. But this?

God is being invoked, and God help those who are on the "wrong" side.
Which is the wrong side? Why whatever side the current speaker is not on, of course.

By the millions, lives on our planet that CAN be saved are ignored and overlooked in other parts of the world then the affluent west. Even here, poor and disenfranchised folk die in the streets with noone shedding a tear for them.
In the name of God, why not direct your energies and monies to this cause.
All lives are of equal worth. Think before committing thousands of dollars to hyping a cause.
Spend your money where it can do the best good. Perhaps both sides cannot see any greater good than their own.

God has a miracle waiting for this woman.
I suspect it is on the other side of the temporal wall.
Let her go.
The concept of uncontrollable pain is self-fulfilling. Pain only becomes unmanageable when the clinicians involved give up. Although I realize that the world in which we live is real, and therefore imperfect, as a physician I consciously adopt the attitude that there is no such thing as uncontrollable pain, only pain that has yet to be controlled. --- Dr. Byock

Ceremonial chocolate

Oh chocolate! Aztec kings must be rolling in their graves as we globally consume their Atavarian food.
MMM chocolate!

Whether as a beverage or a distraction I love my chocolate.

The seabirds were up as early as me today feeding on the roe and seagrasses. Thousands of mouths and not a sound from them except the avian version of burps. Also in the bay were ten or so seals. They were not silent.
The bull seal was diving in the more shallow waters closer to shore noisily showing off for his harem. The females stayed in a tight group. I guess seals are Mormons.

I once thought I was a prophet, until my pills took effect. - 01/11/2004 - from Andy Krause

A holiday

Cars cars cars!
There are so many more vehicles on the road this weekend for the Easter holiday.
It slows me down considerably.
I do not mind the being slowed down bit but I do mind the senseless hurry these people seem to be in.
Perhaps Island time is being recalibrated to the rest of the World and I am the last one to notice.

My second client au jour was very confused this morning. This happens every now and then with her and mostly she doesnt get into too much trouble. I see a pattern. When the staffing is shuffled she has a bad patch. This tends to happen around holidays of course. Alot of new names in her book.

This morning there were four hot-cross buns in various pans and ovens. There was the kettle boiled dry even tho it has an auto-shutoff feature which APPARANTLY is disabled if the lid is not secured when the kettle is boiling.
A pile of milkbones littered the floors of the living room and dining room and she was sitting nibbling chocolate cookies. My kind of gal really.

Man is so muddled, so dependent on the things immediately before his eyes, that every day even the most submissive believer can be seen to risk the torments of the afterlife for the smallest pleasure.
Joseph De Maistre


Double checking!

Alot of my work frustration stems from poor communication around my worksite.
It is the changing nature of my worksite that makes things chaotic.
If someone is discharged from Hospital to Home, the schedule changes.
If someone calls in sick, change.
All of the above times ten and it is chaos.

Today I went in for a new print-out for my own schedule as there have been so many new clients this week all discharged from the Hospital and all requiring care.
I was wandering out the door to my car when I saw a name I do not know.
Back in to read the Nursing notes.

Seeing me amble back in, one of the Nurses in charge of such things asked me who it was I was wondering about. I told her the name and her face went pale.
"That can't be right. Let me see that."

It is a good thing I went back in to check.
The client died 4 days prior to my print-out.
I would have been going there 2 days later.
So six days poste-death I would have been ringing their doorbell.

That was almost the worst thing.
Thank you God for sparing me the pain I would have caused others.


"Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that it not be to my sorrow! God granted him that which he requested."

1 Chronicles 4:10


Back home goes Bill

Saw an obituary today for ol' Bill. He had been in a Lodge but was transferred to the regional Hospital where he passed on. I am very glad he was in a setting where 24 hour a day care was possible. Bill, I will always cherish the things you shared with me and keep safe your secrets from the days of your carefree past.

What a man, what a life.
Well-lived indeed!

Tuesdays my schedule sends me North up the long winding highway through the little seaside enclaves of recluses and nouveau riche. One property will be a derelict trailer dropped on the beach and next door a 3 story new palace stands looking down. Changes are everywhere.

The morning air was crisp and clean with a hint of the North Wind chilling things. I took a moment to watch two young eagles fishing. They were in competition with a few hundred gulls.
The gulls were winning. Further up the road, as I came around an S-curve, a postcard perfect view of the mountains, usually obscured by cloud. It was breathtakingly sharp. On my right the whitecaps were pounding the shore; on my left the forest was thinning visibly from last year. Developement is here NOW. I am not sure I am ready for it.
It is one thing to have a thriving economy. Another to have a stable and sustainable economy.
I think I shall soon see everything I value about my lifestyle here threatened and/or destroyed.

It is hard to bear witness.

"You shall have joy, or you shall have power, said God; you shall not have both"
Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes


( Miss) Communications

Waking up to a wonderful Spring day! The second Spring day this year!!
Blossoms and such everywhere. A southerly wind breathing sweet coolness.
Beautiful pleasant Spring day to be spent with a very nice client. The whole day.

The door was (uncharacteristically) locked. The drapes were unopened.
Not even the dog barked as I knocked *and* rang the bell.
Thirty seconds later the door opened and a very pale spouse looked at me and said:
"I see the system doesn't work after all."

My client had cancelled. He is in hospital after a debilitating stroke.
Someone took a message and neglected to pass it on.
Just what the family wanted.... me @ 7:30

and oooo it got better. The entire day was like that.
The fellow I was sent to assist in the shower turned out to be unconscious PPS10
and the next client was recently home from a mandatory 6 weeks in the not so nice places of the Hospital where you go if you just lose hope and can't cope

I DO love my job. I DO love my clients.
I just wish communication in my worksite was better and more effective and efficient.

"Effective communications starts with listening." --Robert Gately


Happy Birthday Ardans & Webfriends

Along the road and all it's rocky bumps and lurches, I have met some fine, oh so fine folk.
None finer than two men I have never seen face to face but have spoken with for the last ten (oh oif yes, we are in our tenth) years. You might think people you would meet online would be thoroughally unscruptulous. I beg to differ.

Widdy and Knoclue... two pen-names nom-de-plumes aliases... two excellent names for two excellent men.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you both. For years now we have shared our lives, good, bad and pixellated. I am so blessed by the friendships. Thank you.

Arda turns a page today too.
I hope Baldrick returns.
Widdy and I miss him.

Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart.”



When the spirit is willing yet the flesh is weak;
When pettiness is all around
When being is exhausting
I take consolation in knowing that Einstein was regarded as a hopeless student by his teachers.

He also said "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
I often think how wonderful it is that he was pondering on spirit not mind....
How many people would have named Einstein as a great spirit?
On the other hand he would make almost anyones great minds list.

Albert Einstein: no wonderful Marilyn Monroe loved you.


Emerald groves, mossy limbs.

Some days I know that God is good. Other days I live that.
A better soul than mine would be able to show the magnificence of the Creator through their lifestyle without the perks. So far, I seem to notice more on the very good days.

I am blessed with a new client. This gentleman is just past retirement age and battling Parkinsons's Disease. It has been a long and bloody war thus far with a few burnout casualties. After all this is a disease associated with old age, not someone in their 50s. Michael J. Fox and his Holiness the Pope notwithstanding, it is a quiet and nasty thing to develop but it does have a strange blessing. In some persons, my client being one of them, it arrives alone and no pain accompanies it.

When I come to call, my new friend's spouse goes out for a few hours comfortable that someone capable is looking after her beloved. I hope I get to keep this client for awhile. It is so nice to be needed AND wanted AND appreciated. I know I should not need such affirmations, but I am only human after all.

We spend rather a full day doing his regular routine of things.
I have become acquainted with the trails around this area. Not through any effort of my own, but through the days with this man. He has not allowed his disease to define his outdoor treks and we go for an hour or so hiking through the backtrails near his home. Over bridges and past rippling creeks where alder bow down from limbs green with moss, we walk and appreciate the beauty we are blessed to live with.

I am so thankful to have this experience.
I pray that my inner self can become quieter with each trek on the trails.


Every saint has a past and every sinner a future.
Oscar Wilde

Freud resurfaces

Ah yes the slip of the tongue that tells the truth.

I had a good one today. Whilst discussing love and marriage with a friend today, we agreed that learning from the past is an excellent idea in the marital arena. When asked if I would consider marrying (again) I heard myself say:

"Oh no. I like to think I have learned from my escapes."


Sleepy time memories

It has been such an eventful year and we are not yet well and truly into March!
Busy-ness suits me however this is not the sort of busy I like being.
Now I am a glorified babysitter to my own elder parent ...who is undergoing a very nasty divorce.

Unfortunatly once two people say: "I do" there is not much you can do to intervene.

At first I was vainly hoping I was mistaken in the person's character.
My discernment in such matters is generally pretty bang on the money.
As time went on it became obvious this forceful personality now sharing a name and a family with me and mine, did not just dislike us, ALL of us, rather the emotion emanating was bitterness and anger. A strong and active hate.

My parent being a Bible-believing Christian felt the best thing was a legal separation.
I, being a realist who has seen too many Mental Health situations go undiagnosed with poor results, wanted something more clinically sound. There was verbal and mental abuse ongoing.
The effect was wearing away the fragile health of my parent.
Still, we all have free will.

Against the advise of every Mental Health Professional we could bring on board, a very mild suit for legal separation was brought. The general consensus was the best thing to do would be to change the locks and get a restraining order and have a third party on hand when confronting the person that they were being asked to continue elsewhere.

When there is abuse in a home and the party who is being abused does not wish to disclose it,
freeing them of their bonds can be difficult. We are still not free. 15 motions have been filed in the Supreme Court all about money.... and still no divorce. The motions of course are filed by the abuser who denies any marriage breakdown.

When the marriage took place, after a courtship of 27 days and an elopement, my silly old romantic fool of a parent was so ectastic thinking how love had once again come along.
I had a rather different picture as the new person in our life blathered on and on to me that this marriage was for love and love only. God had brought them together and etc etc. I had to turn my face away when they CLAIMED to think my parent was on welfare. I guess the new truck was the giveaway on that one. Or possibly all the stories around the church about how spoiled my deceased parent had been by the one still living.

I bit it. For the first year things were all right. The second year was bad. The rest have been hell. Still, I know that it was a marriage, a BAD marriage but a marriage.
It never really upset my guts until the lies started;' the nasty meanness, the slander and now in Court Papers the libel. One-sided and so very unwarranted.

This person will get approximatly $5000 a month indexed (!) for life once my parent dies REGARDLESS of their marital state. Naturally my parent living on is a huge inconvenience.

It is just disgusting to me that they get anything at all.
Of course my parent is living elsewhere now for safety's sake, while the abuser enjoys the oceanfront home my parents worked so hard to retire to. In between little teas and inviting people over to admire the decorating the chief amusement seems to be telling people how awful we are and how evil and sick we have been.

I work HARD for my money.
I don't make any $5000 a month nor do I have any hope of a pension anywhere near this.

Some days I just feel like packing my bags and moving far far away.
Where I dont run into this professional inheritor, serial *special friend* and stinker.
I know God will be the judge. My heart is black when I think on this.
sigh ....

Why can't I be a bigger person than this?
Social injustice has always been my hottest spot.
Now there is a furnace right in my back yard fuelled by lies.
9-1-1 I need your help.
" I do know that the slickest way to lie is to tell the right amount of truth - then to shut up." Robert Heinlein


Chicken pot pie

The language of metaphor is upon me again.
This time it is not a palliating client but one with a very serious dementia.
It is a lovely little woman in her 70s who has lost a few things along the way.
She knows where she lives and never would run away but she has lost alot of language and uses certain phrases for things that are anyone's guess. I love puzzles so I am pretty good with these sorts of situations.

Chicken pot pie was a hard one. I could not quite get what she was trying to tell me.
She would take me down the hall saying the phrase over and over and then she would motion me into the back bedroom and close the door. Inevitably, her husband, who is very much not demented would come in and ask if everything was all right. We would return to the other room and she would still be muttering about chicken pot pie.

He went out out the home for a few hours a visit or two ago. She grabbed my hand and said very clearly: "do you want chicken pot pie?"
"That would be very nice." I said.
"No. Not nice. It is a not nice day."
I had committed some sort of miscommunication.
"Can you show me chicken pot pie?"
"Yes yes. My husband doesnt buy me rings you know."
"You have a beautiful home."
"He doesnt love me. He says he loves me but look, chicken pot pie. He says, so I said, Mother doesnt like it, chicken pot pie."

She took the hem of her robe and lifted it up. Above her knees on her upper leg was a very nasty bruise. "Chicken pot pie"

Sometimes, I just don't know what to think.
Can you imagine me getting a Social Worker involved on that scenario?
I would like to but alas, the best prevention is involvement and we are in there now.
I hope there are no more chicken pot pies.
I hope she can relax and know someone is looking out for her.

Of course this could be a completely fabricated extrapolation on my part.
But somehow, I do not think so.

"To push advantages too far is neither generous nor just."Johnson


I am back!
Hurrah hurrah!

I had forgotten my password forever and ever. Or at least since I had to format my harddrive.
Naturally I dont write these things down. Isn't that what text files are for?
Backup? what backup? I had everything backed up on computer #2 which also got infected and also had to be formatted. A pox on hackers everywhere.

In an inspirational moment while emailing a friend about the loss of my passwords, I suddenly recalled what word I used to use for everything. My passwords used to contain the same word in every single application requiring a password. This word was backwards and had a numeral on either end. WHen I would forget all I had to do was try different numerals. In a burst of inspiration I did just that and VOILA. Here we are. Back in the blogger again. Whee!!

This post is for Widdy. Hello Wids and thanks for that email.
Without you I would never have remembered.
Bless your hobbity heart.