Learning Humility

When I was taught the definition of a sociopath I had a moment of pause.
There is a little sociopath in us all. Fortunatly, that thing called self-control is enabled.

Whether a product of a life of struggle or an inflated sense of self-worth, does it really matter?
The traits of high self-regard live in me quite comfortably. There are ten factors for the diagnosis of sociopathy.
- not learning from experience
- no sense of responsibility
- inability to form meaningful relationships
- inability to control impulses
- lack of moral sense
- chronically antisocial behavior
- no change in behavior after punishment
- emotional immaturity
- lack of guilt
- self-centeredness

The guilt thing convinced me fullboard that I may be neurotic but I am NOT pyschotic.
Of course, being an overly analytical person I always match criteria against myself.
Luckily, I am not a hypochonriac. Just an obsessively avid learner.

I meet sociopaths in my work. They are not always clients, either.

Mental health is a tricky field. It is too new and there are too many schools of thought to be ABSOLUTE in a diagnosis. There is always the problem of funded research being published and promoted by self-interested drug companies. You have to wade hip-deep before you can be sure what it is you are swimming in.

Today I spoke with a woman I went to school with.
She is brilliant. Her mind is never at rest, and she is a tireless worker.
Her personal struggles are the stuff of mythic legends.
I see the origins of Nordic Myth in many of her stories.
The powerful figurehead Father, the slightly askew Mother, the absent brother off on a Holy Quest, the present Brother lost in an unholy one, the husband no longer a faithful partner...
Brilliance blinded her to the full scope of her heaping helping of life.

I suppose I am her Loki.

We had discussed many times the nature of panic disorder and panic attacks.
She was aware of my research connections and the relationships I had forged among Forensic Pyschiatrists. We beat the topic to death many a long night. Still, when the panic came, she was undone, forgetting everything, and focusing fully on her own 3am of the Soul.

She went on Paxil; coming to me for validation and justification.
Now I am not like most when it comes to blanket recommendations on pharmacology.
But, as a person who takes the time to know my field well, I can see patterns from a long way off. When you as a client or patient, come from a family rife with addiction problems and generational curiousities now pretty much termed as immoral, illegal and/or reprehensible, odds are, when the panic comes, it is not a symptom of a transitory problem.
Your mind has sent the message to your body for so long it isn't bothereing to take the long route anymore and instead is short-circuiting to what they call an amydala highjacking.

Human emotions are aroused in the limbic system in the brain, especially in a structure called the amygdala. Other parts of the brain, primarily the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex, can moderate this arousal. If these executive functions of the brain do not perform this function, the emotional part of the brain can spin out of control.
The result is unmanageable rage or panic.

A very wonderful Doctor once gave me his series of lecture notes on a breathing technique that overcomes amygdala highjackings. His rationale being that it is alot easier to teach a person how to breathe properly than how to change their thinking. One flows from the other.
He was right, but being westerners mostly raised in the I WANT IT NOW mentality, most clients would rather take a pill and be miserable than to invest in learning a skill that would serve them well for their entire lives.

Yes, you read that correctly. Most people personalise their panic so deeply they cannot imagine that anyone else could ever have full insight to what goes on in their minds.
Some nuts are harder to crack than others.

High self regard
Lack of self control.... read that list on sociopathy again.

So many theories. So many versions of the truth.
All I know for sure is that my beautiful brilliant Nurse friend is sitting in her home, contemplating endlessly on the nature of her panic attacks. Does she know there are thousands of people in this part of the world doing the same? Would she believe that even one other person could feel a similar despair?

That unnamable dread DOES have a name.
PANIC.

Take a moment and breathe.