Our Resentments will kill us

I heard this in the mud legend of a character that I truly despised.
Not because she was warm and fuzzy to my ailing aging poet friend in Arda, Jbpoe, saying to him out loud in front of me: "All of your friends are like gold to me" and then wasting no time in backstab gossipping me.
Not because she based her entire character's existance on hatred of another woman and encouraged young men to harass and kill that character; slagging her on the guild and main comms using the *c* word and worse.
No, mostly I detested her persona for the way she would pander to the Makers of our World, simply to be "Mattress to the Stars."
It was not personal. She just wanted to be a power-f**ker.
and so she was.

Funny she would have the wisdom to have such a legend.
I did not resent her when she went after *my* man in purely sexual ways, I just felt sad.
But I do have resentments. And they are making me sick.

I saw the woman who tried to erase and usurp my mother dropping boxes off at the Thrift stores. Oddly enough, when my parent got his furniture and personal possessions from his home last weekend, the only things he really wanted seem to be missing.
He wanted his certificates from his Work.
His accolades.
The sole one we found was his Master Mariners certificate.
His pilotage one is missing. The Training he got in Europe one is missing.
hmm, interesting.

I was at the Thrift store today and I saw my mothers collection of stickpins in a box.
Her Gideonettes stickpins, her San Juan Capistrano stickpins, her hummingbird stickpins, her ones from me "I love you Mom" ones, given to her from when I was a young teen and a $5 stickpin was a huge deal. The odds of someone else having this collection are nada.

I also saw the crystal salt and pepper shakers with the mother of pearl tops and sterling bands which I had given her when I worked for a very chi-chi Jewellery company.
I went to the bank and took out 60$ which was sixty more than I could afford.

I bought back the few items that meant alot to me.
And I felt resentment and bile.
I hope I can forgive soon.
I want to.
But disrespecting my daed mother makes me ANGRY. Disrepecting my dad is bad but he was the idiot who married a woman he didnt know after a mere 27 days and is somewhat culpable. Mom is dead. This woman is living a LAVISH lifestyle on my mothers money.
And will not even say my mothers name.

If anyone can haunt it will be mom.
But she is in heaven looking down and shaking her head at me.
She wants me to forgive this evil predator.

So no more can we the family vacation on the waterfront at Canada's best beach. No more can we the family enjoy holidays and special occasions looking out to sea and remembering all the times Dad piloted those very waters and Mom sat there with binoculars.
It is all in the past now.

I hope the roof leaks and carpenter ants invade and a landslide hits JUST that home.
And I will stand in the rubble and tell Mrs. Much-married and never satisfied NOW I forigve you.
You evil witch.
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In the TV movie of her life they need to find an actress who resembles Joan Crawford at her creepiest.

yuk
Someone else will