The basic trouble was my not understanding what it was I was supposed to be doing there.
It seemed so silly and she was so capable. Why we were there was not clear.
She complained about me and I was yanked from her schedule.
A few months later she showed up on my night schedule.
I would tell her to get up and get moving or one day she would not be able to.
"oh honey, I know you mean well but you don't understand, I just can't."
"oh yes you can. You won't. Come on get up and I will take you out for dinner."
By golly if she didn't get up and dressed and out we went.
Thereafter once a month I would take her out for dinner. I was able to do this as I was scheduled to be her dinner girl and her nighttime girl. This was a total of 1.25 hours.
I also had my dinner break in there. So I lumped them together and I took her to various restaurants around the area. Inevitably she would suggest places I never would go to.
Why? Because I can't afford to. But there was an opportunity for me as a person not as an employee or a Nurse or anything else, just me as a person to reach out and touch someone.
Naturally she would forget her wallet or be short on cash so early on, in fact from the very beginning I just budgetted this in my month. She would always protest but I knew she knew I knew..... (etc etc) We would be served. This *Served* part was very important to her.
I believe this was the key thing that she liked about being sick. Someone comes in and serves you. If you get better, say goodbye to all the attention.
I would talk to her about her family and her life and her loves. She had a wonderful childhood and a mother who was fabulous. She was spoiled of course. Once she went out in the world she met a fellow who was charming but completely irresponsible. They married and had children and made a go of it until she found out how much money he owed her parents.
A few rough years on her own and then she met the love of her life. He was an older man who adored her. They had some great years and then suddenly he died.
"A part of me died that day honey. There will never be anyone else for me."
"Dont say that! You dont know what is around the next corner."
"Yes I do. I just wish it could be sooner."
When I went on the dayshift I rarely saw her on a regular basis.
When I did, I was shocked to see she had gained about 80 pounds.
A few times in the morning I would have to put her in the shower and change her bedding due to incontinence.
"I am so sorry honey. I just couldnt make it to the commode."
The commode was RIGHT beside the bed.
"Aren't you cold? You are lying in cold urine?"
"Oh honey don't be mad at me. I just couldn't get up."
"No you WOULDNT get up. But you better start getting up or soon you wont be able to for real."
"oh we're back to that are we?"
I was so sad. She was folding up right in front of me.
Capable and smart and very self-directed and yet she was choosing to live poorly.
I saw her last week. She was soaked in urine and the sheets were wet.
"That's just the way it is these days honey."
She had just had the laundry done the day before and there were 2 full garbage bags in the tub with wet things to be laundered. I could see it was a great effort to her just being up.
Oh yes, she got up.
" I saw your name on the schedule and called in to confirm it. I couldnt believe it. After all this time finally you're back! I double checked yesterday too just in case she changed you."
"I was surprised too."
"Honey, you don't know how much I miss those nights out. We will go again soon ok?"
"Sure," I said. "call me anytime."
"Tell
"Okay my LADY Nora. "
I always called her Lady Nora to her face telling her she should have a staff of twenty attending her. It was one of the things she hated about me in the beginning and grew to love after awhile. I refused to treat her as if she was ill. I treated her as if she was well.
After I left, perhaps an hour later, she dialled 9-1-1
Lady Nora died in the regional hospital at the age of 72 of a broken heart.
It goes to show you what determination does.
Be careful what you wish for.
Farewell Lady Nora.
You surprised me.
I thought you had a few more rounds in you.
But I understand completely, you were done long ago.
I wish life had been more fulfilling for you.
I wish with all the service you got, you could have experienced some degree of happiness.
Perhaps you did.
----------------------------
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. Willians jennings Bryan.
