The Entitled

Reading and researching Elder Abuse claims can be harrowing stuff. Over and over you hear about these relatives left high and dry when the family are taken advantage of by a stranger.
It seems to be strictly about money and expectations. You read the sorrow and anger as estates are not what was expected. Sorrow and anger. Do you read about the quality of life of the Elder person? What their hopes and dreams were? Rarely. It is mostly about the *Entitled*.

Perhaps I have a different point of view because of my background. My Grandparents were not poor and my Grandfather left a sizable estate. Stock options, exclusive properties, and lots of cash were in his portfolio. My Grandfather was a self-made man; an immigrant who worked very hard to attain his wealth. He and his brothers all did very well indeed. Had my Grandfather lived past the 60 years he achieved, life would have been very different for my parents. As it was, the estate passed into the hands of my Grandmother who had no intentions of sharing with anyone.

I grew up watching bitter parents making nice for the sake of their possible futures. My grandmother meant more than money to me. She was a wonderful charming person with a frugal streak and no tolerance for extravagance. My parents were very extravagant and it is fortunate my Father also worked hard and achieved a very good lifestyle on his own merits.
This money inheritance stuff is not for me to brood upon. Of course I like money- who doesnt?
But I am not going to go the way of my Mother who died of colon cancer after decades of obsessing on her lost inheritance.

There is a middle way of course. I do not see much of it in my practice. What I do see are sons and daughters, nieces and nephews swooping in at the end of life and grabbing everything they can while casting a suspicious eye on the *hired help*. Hey, we had a private nurse steal sterling flatware from us too, but that never stopped us from believing the best in others.
I hope she needed it, that's all.

My other observation is that abovesaid relations frequently thank the Hospital Staff and Nurses for the fine care of their deceased, in those last hours, days, weeks. They never think to the people who kept their relation in the home happy and independant. They are too busy taking inventory.

One of the saddest things that happened to me was reading that a private funeral had taken place for my very favourite client. The obituary was placed after the private service. There was no closure for me other than my angel ritual at the beach. I would have liked to be present to honour her amongst other who felt the same way. I know the staff where she lived felt the same way. Empty and lost. But the Doctor and Nurses in that hospital got a huge thanks.

It isn't about being seen, it isn't about the thank you. It is about respect. The respect for your departed, knowing and understanding that the people who were close to them miss them too.
Loss. Sorrow. We need to grieve it to move on.