Another new- to- me name, another client I have never met before, waiting for someone to show up so he can start his days. This day is rather important as he has an appointment at ten-thirty. Someone is coming to visit him in the home, to assist he and his family in setting up the correct amount of support they require to keep him at home. His condition has just been deemed palliative. And what time is it? Why, ten-twenty of course.
I have let myself in as noone came to the door. It is a very large house.
I look about the basement for signs of my client.
My notes say there is a wife in the home and a daughter who has come home to help her parents through this transition. Noone is downstairs. Nice house though!
I go upstairs through the rooms. The master bedroom at the end of the hall is my last hope.
AHA! I hear them. In the en suite. The wife is assisting the husband to shave.
"We gave up on you. Well not you, but anyone coming today."
I am completely in sympathy. Sucks for my clients too who will not be getting the familiar me but someone else entirely today, likely at a time inconsistent with their usual habits.
The wife is extremely capable and begins by telling me that she has to go greet her guest when they arrive and perhaps we should just forget it for today. She gives me the once-over and I pass the first impression test so she softens that to perhaps I could just shave him.
I manage to cajole her out of the room but not before she tells me that he requires peri-care and that is extremely important. (yes, Absolutely so)
She leaves the room 3 times before she is really gone. Each time she comes back in to tell me something important. They are all completely redundant remarks and I am hoping this is her need to care for her husband and not her having experience with people of dubious competancy.
She glides back in and announces that she better stay because he is very shy.
I smile sweetly and tell her in the same announcer voice:
"Oh nonsense, you need a break too. And you have a guest coming. We are fine. Aren't we Sir?"
He smiles and nods.
I had a very good time with this gentleman and we had alot in common.
He has lost his voice due to radiation. He has not lost his will to live nor his ability to communicate. We laughed over my shaving skills but I did warn him that I did not take the shaving course nor attend boy school. I am sure there is a secret technique that is taught to men.
When I left he waved out the window at me.
He is not shy. He is just discerning. There is a difference.
It does not matter in a facility or hospital who wants in your room door really. as there are all kind of back-up staff available at the touch of a button. You can suffer through much knowing that it is temporary and likely not to occur again. In the home, you really do not want to be bothered with people who you do not trust or like. Sometimes there is no good reason for you not to like or trust them, but we can't all like everyone nor be liked by everyone.
My supervisor once told me: "They all say the same thing... they LIKE you. You have a very winning personality."
I don't really. I am rather fond of myself but I do not have a cult around me.
What it is she sees is my desire for my client to be able to enjoy my visits.
And they do. Much of what I do is not really enjoyable for the client at all and still they do.
The first two minutes are what makes the difference.
I am good at that. I think most entrepeneurs in trades where they work in people's homes are the same. They have developed their skills in interpersonal communication.
I know what it is like to be sick.
I know what it is like to lose hope.
I remember the people who made a difference.
My true Nursing instructors were mostly not nurses.
I used the same skills in my business before I took this path.
It made me very successful at what I did.
This what I do now is more personally meaningful.
The experiences of my richly woven life have made me quirky.
I have trouble valueing the pursuit of money.
Trivialities amuse me but I do not wish to inanely chatter about them. (think retail sales... waiters... )
It is WHO people are and HOW they became that, which holds my interest.
What do they believe of value, what did they experience that they think imperitive to share and pass on, what lesson did they learn that they want to teach? It is their humanity.
The more people I meet, the more I realise that I genuinely love the human race.
Sometimes when I really annoy the management with my bold statements and big concepts I remind them that to love me for who I am it seems you must be aware of your imminent demise. Dying people rarely jack you over. I skipped the dying part .... at least for now but I too don't bother with the pretending game unless it is critical.
-=-
The gentleman sits on the edge of his bed.
