My Angels

The complexities of life have led to my friends being more wide and varied than most.
A goodly gaggle of artists musicians and performers exist alongside those I met through work or just along the twisted path that has been my journey. As I had a very difficult young life fraught with illness and injuries, addictions and recoveries, the one constant has been my great ability to persevere. No matter how dark, no matter how bleak, I have kept going.

When you have lived hard, it is sheer luck that determines if your number comes up. That and a guardian angel. Either you believe in angels or you do not. If you are a doubter, my words will seem babble. If you are a believer, it will affirm your faith. Nothing less than a supernatural force could possibly have kept such as me alive.

Prior to my brain injury, I did, in fact see auras and dream heavily. As a very young child I was unable to distinguish my dreams from reality. It not for this knowledge perhaps I too would attribute my dreamings to scrambled body chemistry.
Through all my turmoils and temptations, there was an awareness that what was happening to me was not me. This distinction kept me going always through, not around until I could once again discover what was me.

One of the reasons to write, blog, journal and compose, is to keep memories fresh and alive. My dearest friends know all too well that my memory is completely unreliable. I am all right for the immediate as long as I write a reminder down. I am excellent as a responder as my skills are high and automatic. But if you want an accurate account of events - hmm, no, dont ask me. It does not trouble me to admit that altho it seems correct to me, I have had demonstrated countless times that I am likely to take two, perhaps three, truths and combine them into one. Not exactly confabulation, but definitly not historical evidence. It is therefor perhaps not true that I remember seeing an angel but I cannot imagine what else could be in my memory banks that would account for the brilliant orb I saw in my bedroom as a teenager. This orb emanated peace and goodwill and absolute love. I was not afraid, I was amazed. It told me to rest and renew and be still in the knowledge that I was important.

In my hospice work, I frequently have students along for the ride. Almost every one of them has given me a small gift on their graduation and almost every gift has been an angel. My clients and their families also gift me with angel pins keychains and ephemera. My dashboard and my headliner are adorned with dozens of these things. They watch out for me and remind me that in this vast universe, a being of light had time to calm a teenage heart and mind and place a life-saving truth within my soul.

I believe.