Martha Stewart's Holiday to-do List

This just in from the Staff Room:

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Are you up to speed, Slackers?

Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List
Dec. 1st- Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.
Spray pain gold, turn upside down & use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
Dec. 2nd- Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message
for answering machine.
Dec. 3rd- Using candlewick & hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a
cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
Dec. 4th- Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
Dec. 5th- Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
Dec. 6th- Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
Dec. 7th- Debug Windows (all versions)
Dec. 10th- Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
Dec. 11th- Lay Faberge egg.
Dec. 12th- Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
Dec. 13th- Collect dentures. They make excellent decorative pastry cutters.
Dec. 14th- Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
Dec. 15th- Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "Holiday Scents"
Dec. 17th- Child-proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor-wire.
Dec. 19th- Adjust the legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
Dec. 20th- Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar
to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
Dec. 21st- Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinammon sticks.
Dec. 22nd- Float votive candles in toilet tank.
Dec. 23rd- Seed clouds for white Christmas.
Dec. 24th- Do annual good deed.
Go to several stores.
Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making people feel less inadequate than they really are.
Dec. 25th- Bear Son.
Swaddle.
Lay in colour-co-ordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.
Dec. 26th- Organise spice racks by genus and phylum.
Dec. 27th- Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
Dec. 31st- New Year's Eve!! Give staff their resolutions.
Call a friend in each time zone of the world as their clocks strike midnight.