Tweak time. Increase in drug doseages.
Accolades for still being alive on the planet despite all odds.
Hollow victories. I look great, everyone tells me so.
I look so well. This almost makes me insane to hear.
I feel awful. Going to the Doctor upsets me greatly.
My Doctor could not be more caring or compassionate and has advocated for me in ways that most patients can only dream of. He has taken my disorders and injuries and made a roadmap for me, one that I can follow. He listens to my weirdness and never does anything to compromise my dignity. You cannot imagine how wonderful that is.
Not many years ago, before I had any recollections about accidents and injuries, I was at another Doctor - - - that is one of the worst memories of my life.
THAT Doctor never bothered to look in my medical history, never bothered to look past the *You Look Great* thing. I was a very pretty girl back then.
My Doctor of the time pretended to listen to me but wrote in his files: Neurotic.
My brain was scrambled and I was trying to make sense of all the dots I saw and the teflon skies ... the sleep paralysis and the flashback tremors. I thought everyone experienced that!
It floored me to find out other people did not have them.
Here I had always thought everyone knew some secret coping method that I wasn't privy to!
That Doctor drugged me into oblivion and back until I rebelled and tried to stop taking those drugs. He got very angry and threw me out of his practise saying I was a spoiled brat.
A spoiled brat who "wanted to be sick."
He thought I was making it up.
Of course if he had bothered to check my medical history he would have seen a brain injury, and multiple severe concussions.
But he didn't bother.
$50k in jaw surgery, dentistry, realignment and.... 4+ years of wired up hell.
Do I sound angry?
Not anymore. Just sad.
When I have a bad day, I remember Dr. R-tt--berg and his complete lack of professionalism and compassion.
Thank God for Dr. M-c---- who has restored my faith in the Medical Profession.
He listens. He researches. He prescribes appropriately.
He consults with other Physicians and when he does not know he says so and sends me to someone who might should or is able to figure it out.
So, hope reigns.