Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

2.5.07

Passport to Pleasure?


Travelling and I do not get along well together. Like, at all.
One of my bfs broke it off with me after a disastrous Mexico City rendez-vous en route to Belize.
I got lost in the airport. Luckily we were not in Thailand which was his first choice.

It is not that I hate flying. I do hate flying but I am not afraid of it not really.
If you crash well, its quick. Burn, baby burn.
It is the being in a strange place, a strange bed, a grid unknown that upsets me. I get losts easily. I say right and go left. I look up and fall down. I trip over curbs. I end up in inner city ghettoes whilst looking for the Ritz. All of the above. South Central LA was one of my more notable screw-ups. I was looking for Hollywood. No kidding.

I can get an expedited passport if a fee of $75+ is paid.
If I get the passport than I can go on holidays AWAY FROM HERE!

Someone else can hold the torch for a bit.
It is so tempting.

But there is that nasty dyslexic thing.
*shiver*

Scary monsters in my head
Scary monsters in my bed

--- ! !

18.1.07

- near miss

Live to fight another day.

It was an uneventful night in which I slept heavily.
In fact, I slept all day AND all night due to the incredible amount of medication in my system no doubt. It worked. That's all that counts.

Being in the bathroom at 3am clearing my throat manually and stuffing salbutamol down my throat every 30 seconds is NOT my idea of a good time. It is preferable to sleepwalk, talk or yell. One thing I realised is that my fear of death has diminished.
I was not nearly as panicked as last time.

Really and truly I suppose I should call 9-1-1 when these things happen.
I just...... well.... what are they going to do that I can't?

----------------*


These stupid allergies go in seasons.
I bet if I would look through my blog (no wanna) I would find similar episodes in other years, at the same time. Except my giant blog-o-rama I deleted but this one may contain a rant about suchlike things as well.

Do I souynd scared?

Well yeah. I am.

12.11.06

dread and heroes

Buggerit all but tomorrow is the semi-annual cancer check of my interiors.
Once you have had cervical cancer you tend to get abnormal cells forming along the cervix again. For a horrifying 2 year period I was having this damned exam every second month.
But I am cancer-free and I don't miss the bit of cervix sliced biopsied and lasered. Not necessarily in that order.

The worst part of this examination is the need for a 3rd party to be in the room due to legal reasons. No Doctors want their malpractice insurance used for spurious abuse claims.... but I would still rather sign a waiver of some kind than have that 3rd person in the room.

---------#.

Everyone has heroes. One of mine is my father's sister, my Auntie Jay.
Auntie Jay had polio as a child in the times before vaccines were available. Alas, the family fell prey to a quack doctor of the times who had the brilliant idea of shortening the *good* leg of those polio survivers with withering limbs.

The operation and subsequent convalescence took up most of my Aunt's young life and she spent a great deal of time in a Sanitorium where she would be wheeled out to the sunshine for a healing sunbath. They left her out there for hours.
Now, 75 years later, she has had over 45 cancers removed from her face and neck as a direct result of signficant overexposure to the sun.

Her once good leg became her bad leg and has a metal rod in it. My aunt was never able to walk far without crutches and as she entered retirement, a wheelchair was mandatory. All the wear and tear on her bones resulted in her spine collapsing. Without wearing a corset of sorts, the bones touch. Indescribably painful.

My great aunt never complains. Never.
If she is asked a direct question about a specific thing she will answer, but she never volunteers it. I am not into martyrs but there is a heroism in her that I admire profusely.

I am thinking about her as she turns 85 this week. As a little girl she was my stalward in that arm of the family. She could always be counted on to remember birthdays with beautiful hand-made cards and thoughtful poetry. A true artist.

Age has robbed her of most of her hearing, most of her mobility, and now, she is legally blind. For a creative person the blindness has hit the hardest. It was fabulous news when I heard she had gotten a new computer complete with a magnification screen for the visually impaired under it.

If I were to win the lottery the very first cheque I would write would be to hire her a private caregiver to come in every single day and do whatever was required to ease her burdens.

There is no doubt in my mind that when we get to heaven Auntie Jay will be sitting close to the throne of God. Perhaps I can catch a long-distance glimpse of her from my seat in the nose bleeds section.

17.10.06

We are not alone! Parasomniacs Anonymous

A quick blog search to find out if I am the only one confessing to being a sleep phobic due to night terrors. I found some interesting people and things with a click of the mouse.
Here

and Here

and Here

I hear you all my friends. Night is not our friend.