Passing Grade

The annual flurry of questions preceded my yearly exam for how pharmaceuticals are keeping my night horrors at bay. I did in fact mention that I have thrown up a few times in my sleep, but underplayed this as a symptom of some hidden anxiety.

Unfortunatly, my subconscious has clear memories that I would rather not retain. They come out in my sleep and I frequently disturb the neighbors by yelling in my sleep. In the past, the disorientation has lasted into the daytime and I have lost work time. It is very difficult to shake off this sort of thing no matter how cheery and optimistic a person naturally is. My intellect knows one thing - my emotional memory knows something quite else. To my sorrow, witnesses to my yells tell me that I cry for my Mommy or plead for help in a juvenile manner *or* I shout NO! STOP! in a strong adult voice.

I take a tiny dose of Seraquel prior to bedtime these days which keeps my daytime clear. It does not entirely banish the night horrors. I still shout but I do not wake up and I do not remember in the morning. Last night something happened that has not happened in years. I wet my bed. I also threw up in my sleep.

Wouldn't it be nice if a drug came on the market that would remove memories. There is always the shock therapy method, I suppose, but I have no desire at all for that.
I passed my test and for one more year I shall be medicated.

What I would give to have less challenges.
The upside is I am more compassionate than most.
But grrrr - I want to sleep soundly.