It was misinterpreted and brought pain. Sadly, as it turns out, I was better at hiding my thoughts and emotions back then than I ever would have believed.
My life has been charmed. I have had alot of loss and more than my share of humbling circumstance, but it all served to make me strong. I know my limitations and work within them - no exceptions. When I was a young woman I would eat nails before I would admit defeat. I flailed and raged against life with the usual result.
In my case, only time could help me. I learned, eventually, and it was age bringing wisdom, nothing else.
My life is a happy one. I am very content. I have all that I desire and more. The sole chink in my armour is romance. It has not been my forte. I have loved and been loved in return, enjoyed happy relationships and had a child, the source of my endless joy, but a life partner has eluded me.
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The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival.
~ by Leo Buscaglia (Born For Love) ~
There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.
~ by George Sand ~
Love is an act of endless forgiveness
A tender look which becomes a habit.
~ by Peter Ustinov ~
Once long ago, I met the man who was my soul mate. At the time, my latest romance had ground to a weird chaotic halt when my boyfriend was arrested in another province. The nature of the crime was drugs, and the number and seriousness of the charges were staggering. This was mind-boggling to such as me, who never successfully did drugs, nor knew that my boyfriend did. To find out he was not merely a user, which was shocking enough, but a dealer, was such a blow to my system, my mind literally shut down. I found I could not process this event. I too was halted.
During this time, my soul mate was available. He was there and willing, and I, I was at an utter loss over where I was going and what I was doing. I was stuck. I told him to go out and date and get dating out of his system. He met a woman who was in the market for a man and they were living together within months. I gave up on him.
It went on in this dysfunctional manner culminating in my pregnancy. I never admitted to anything but sheer joy where that was concerned. In truth, I cried for 2 weeks on the shoulder of a wiser woman. I put down my guitar, and took up motherhood. I did it well. It is one of the two things of true importance that I have done in my life.
As to romance:
Carnage everywhere.
I completely stink at romance.
