Carol Barker Remembrance Day

November 30th is the day I stop and remember my first very best friend who died a lonely death on Oak street one rainy November 30th, all those years ago.

Regular readers will know that some years my November 30th posts are sad and self-accusatory and some are whimsical and nostaglic. It is a hard thing to look back on a regret that may have caused a death. Because I did not honour my word, my very best friend walked home in the rain rather than accepting a ride from a man who she felt creepy about. She did not make it home. It was only 2 blocks but it was across a very busy main route and even at 11:45 pm traffic was an issue.

This year I realise that my daughter is the same age as Carol was when she was struck by that car. Is it any wonder I want to drive everyone home safely?

Carol Maureen Barker.
An artist, a character and a friend.
I still miss you.
I think of what you might have been. I remember what you were.
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"Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets.”

--- Henry Kissinger

"Is that nothing to you?"

"Your dignity is not just rubbed in the dust. It is trodden underfoot and spat on. Our people are being killed as if they were but flies. Is that nothing to you who pass by? What must we say that we have not said? 'God, give us eloquence such that the world will hear that all we want is to be recognized for what we are - human beings created in your image'" (Tutu 101)



When you suffer a blow to your dignity, it is a wound that takes a long while to scab over.
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Today I realised that I would like to spend a working decade making a difference to people in poorer countries. We have such wealth. They have so little.
And I, do I want to be one who passes by?
One who goes to sleep as if it is nothing to me?

It is something to me. Something big.
My own problems have created in me a huge need for social justice within my own realm.
I would like to spread it further.

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The storm in my brain spoiled my birthday :(
Wthe tornado is there right in front of my mind's eye, I get a screaming headache and my whole left side goes into excruciating pain. No, oops it'e my right side. I get more dyslexic as the years go on. That's so typical; my getting it wrong so wrong.



I am without grace tonight.
Utterly.


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